


Denial (Arnisi)

by sal_si_puedes



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Babies, Dystopia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, End of the World, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sequel, all's well that ends well, fluff too (yep I managed to squeeze some fluff in there too), okay so if there were any major character deaths I'd have said so, so just assume that there aren't any :D, trust your writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:40:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3247388">Going Nowhere Fast</a>. It's the end of the world - or it will soon be - and Mike stumbles into Harvey's bar. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Going Nowhere Fast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [naias](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=naias).



> Like I said, this is the sequel to [Going Nowhere Fast](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3247388), a ficlet I wrote as an answer to a prompt naias reblogged. I never thought it'd get this long or that Going Nowhere Fast would have a sequel at all. I blame it all on naias, honestly.
> 
> The title comes from a poem by Giorgos Seferis, Nobel laureate, titled "Arnisi". It's one of the most beautiful poems I know. 
> 
> This is for you, my darling naias. You are not only the best muse any writer could wish for but also the best friend I could ever have wished for. You are amazing - and yes, this is all your fault!!!
> 
> Note to my readers: If it weren't for naias, this wouldn't even be here. Or if it were it'd suck royally. You owe her more than you will ever know. And so do I.
> 
> I'm [sal-si-puedes](http://sal-si-puedes.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Come and say "Hi!".
> 
>   
> The fist chapter is a word-for-word re-post of [Going Nowhere Fast](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3247388). I wanted all of the chapters in one place, that's why. :D  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fist chapter is a word-for-word re-post of [Going Nowhere Fast](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3247388). I wanted all of the chapters in one place, that's why. :D

"What can I do for you, Sir?"

The rich, warm voice startles Mike and he rubs his face with his palms before he raises his head slowly. He's been sitting there on that high stool for a couple of minutes, at the empty bar, the sole customer, his head buried in his hands. The air is stale and stinks of beer and cold cigarette smoke. Maybe a distant fire, Mike thinks and blinks.

The bartender is just standing there, looking at him, a long apron slung around his hips and a dish towel thrown over his shoulder.

"You are funny." Mike frowns and fumbles for the pack of cigarettes that he knows is somewhere in the pocket of his jacket.

"I know," the bartender says without moving a single muscle in his face. "Is there anything I can do for you, Sir?" He keeps looking at Mike and after a few timeless seconds the faintest smile curls his lips.

"Are you kidding me?," Mike asks, shaking his head in disbelief. "'Sir?' Really?" He finds the cigarettes and shakes one from the pack. His fingers tremble when he tries to light it. "It's the end of the fucking world and you call me 'Sir'?"

"I call everyone 'Sir'," the bartender replies and reaches for something under the bar. He pulls out two glasses. "Except for the ladies, of course," he adds and produces a bottle of scotch. "I'm a bartender." He pours three fingers of scotch into each glass and shoves one over to where Mike is sitting. "Besides, I wouldn't know what else to call you."

Mike takes a deep drag from his cigarette and coughs. For a second he closes his eyes and then he reaches for the glass. He stares into the golden liquid and frowns again. "Mike," he says and lets the scotch swirl in circles in the glass. He looks up and locks eyes with the bartender. "My name is Mike."

"Mike," the bartender repeats, smiling, and raises his glass. "I'm Harvey."

"Harvey," Mike huffs and raises his glass. "Cheers."

They both take a long swallow and set down their glasses almost simultaneously.  
"How come you're still here?" Mike asks and takes another drag from his cigarette. 

"Where else would I be?" Harvey looks honestly bewildered.

"On the run," Mike answers and the hint of a question swings in his words. "Like everybody else?"

"No," Harvey says and raises his glass again. "I'm staying here."

Mike takes another swig from his drink and another drag from his cigarette. "No looters yet?"  
"Nah," Harvey mumbles around the rim of the glass and shakes his head. "Been spared so far."

Mike nods slowly and watches the cigarette burn down between his fingers. When the ash drops onto the polished wooden surface of the bar he sighs. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Harvey says and sweeps the ash away with his towel. He places an ashtray in front of Mike and refills their glasses.

"Weird," Mike muses and brings his glass to his lips once more. "This is—I mean the bar is right next to the highway and there are millions out there trying to—"

"Yeah," Harvey murmurs and his eyes wander to the front door for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe they just haven't found me yet." 

"Maybe." Mike runs his hand over his eyes. His eyes burn and his back aches. All he wants is to get some sleep after three days and nights behind the wheel.

"Any news?" Harvey reaches for Mike's cigarettes and takes one out of the pack. He takes it between his lips and holds it in the corner of his mouth without lighting it. 

"No," Mike sighs and shakes his head quickly. "Still the same." He locks eyes with Harvey again. "They say it will be over within a week." He closes his eyes and shakes his head again. "I can't believe that this is really it. That everything will be over within a week. The world. Everything."

Harvey picks up a box of matches from under the bar and lights one. "Yeah," he says, bringing the match to the tip of the cigarette and holding it there without dragging. "Weird."  
Finally, just before the flame reaches his fingers, he takes a drag and lights the cigarette. He fishes for a second one and holds it out to Mike who takes it into his mouth after just a second of hesitation. Harvey lights the cigarette for Mike and lets his eyes wander up and down Mike's body and face.

"Where're you from?," he asks and gives Mike's glass a tiny nudge towards him.

"Alaska," Mike says and takes a swig. "We've been driving for days."

"We?" Harvey raises his eyebrows and looks back and forth between Mike and the door.

"Yeah," Mike squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep swallow of scotch. "Girl I picked up a day or two after I left town." He drains the glass and shoves it over to Harvey, catching his gaze again. "Got shot about three hours ago when we stopped to take a leak." Mike's voice is trembling and his hands are shaking when he picks up the refilled glass. "She was just walking back to the car to change the baby and—" He squeezes his eyes shut again and bites his lips. "Sorry," he says after a while and finds Harvey looking at him with a slightly alarmed look on his face.

"What baby?" 

Mike bites his lips again and sniffles. "Her kid. Tiny little thing. A girl. At least I think it's a girl. Never asked for the name. She was still nursing it."

"Mike," Harvey says and the look in his eyes scares Mike a little. "Where is the baby now?"

Mike takes a deep breath and turns around to look at the door. "In the car," he says and clears his throat. "I didn't know what to do with it."

"Okay," Harvey says calmly and tilts his head. "Mike, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to your car and get that baby in here now."

"Okay," Mike says, his voice sounding hollow, and begins to rise from his chair. 

"Wait," Harvey says and Mike freezes. "Drive your car behind the house and park it there."

"Okay," Mike says again, rises and slowly leaves the bar.

When he returns a couple of minutes later, Harvey has refilled their glasses again and an old-fashioned gun that hasn't been there before is leaning against the side of the bar. Mike carries the sleeping baby in its portable car seat and he's got a large bag slung over his shoulder. "I think she'll need something to eat soon," he says and sets the car seat with the baby on the counter. "I don't know what to give her. Don't know if her mother had something in—"

He hands Harvey the bag and slumps down onto his stool again. "I'm sorry," he says and Harvey raises his head from the bag for a quick look. 

"What for?" He sounds confused but a smile spreads across his face when he pulls a carton of milk powder from the bag. A moment later he also produces a plastic bottle. "Here we go."

The baby makes a smacking sound and both Harvey's and Mike's eyes turn to the car seat. The baby is still sound asleep and breathing deeply.

"She is so small," Mike says and reaches out but drops his hand again before his fingers can make contact with the baby's cheek. "It's not fair."

"No, it isn't," Harvey says and sets the bottle and the box onto the bar. "Where are you going to?"

Mike shrugs and grabs the edge of the car seat. "Dunno," he murmurs and turns the seat a little towards him. "Like everybody else." He tilts his head and looks at the rosy-cheeked baby. "Doesn't really matter anymore, now, does it?" He exhales shakily and closes his eyes for a moment. "It looks like a girl," he says and swallows. "I think it's a girl." His voice has dropped to nothing but a choked whisper and his head snaps up when Harvey's hand on his lower arm startles him.

"Stay here." Harvey sounds calm and sure and for some reason Mike's back hurts a little less the moment those words leave Harvey's mouth. He can feel his eyes prickle and he blinks a couple of times before he speaks.

"What?"

"Stay here, with me," Harvey clarifies and squeezes Mike's arm. "The baby, too."

"Why?" Mike sniffles and blinks again. His eyes really sting now and he suddenly finds it difficult to breathe against the tightness in his chest and to swallow around the lump in his throat.

"Why not?" It sounds so simple, so tempting.

"I don't know," Mike says and clears his throat once more. "I shouldn't."

"Says who?," Harvey says and squeezes Mike's arm again. "Stay."

"Hmmm," Mike makes and looks at the baby again. "How about Amber?"

Harvey tilts his head and looks at Mike questioningly.

Mike raises his head and nods towards the car seat. "For the baby," he says and looks at Harvey again, blinking against the burn in his eyes. "She needs a name, doesn't she? How about Amber?"

"Amber," Harvey says the name slowly and closes his eyes for a second as if to listen. "Yeah," he says, smiling and nodding slowly. "I like that."

Mike nods and reaches for Harvey's hand. He gives it a firm squeeze before he lets go and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. 

"Okay," he says. "We'll stay for a while."

 

~End of the Prequel~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have the text of Seferis' poem (first in the Greek original and then in the English translation):
> 
> **ΑΡΝΗΣΗ**
> 
> Στο περιγιάλι το κρυφό  
> κι άσπρο σαν περιστέρι  
> διψάσαμε το μεσημέρι·  
> μα το νερό γλυφό.
> 
> Πάνω στην άμμο την ξανθή  
> γράψαμε τ' όνομά της·  
> ωραία που φύσηξεν ο μπάτης  
> και σβήστηκε η γραφή.
> 
> Mε τι καρδιά, με τι πνοή,  
> τι πόθους και τι πάθος,  
> πήραμε τη ζωή μας· λάθος!  
> κι αλλάξαμε ζωή.
> 
>  **DENIAL** [English translation by Edmund Keeley and Phillip Sherrard]
> 
> On the secret seashore  
> white like a pigeon  
> we thirsted at noon;  
> but the water was brackish.
> 
> On the golden sand  
> we wrote her name;  
> but the sea-breeze blew  
> and the writing vanished.
> 
> With what spirit, what heart,  
> what desire and passion  
> we lived our life: a mistake!  
> So we changed our life.  
> 


	2. Day Minus Seven

"Good." Harvey reaches across the bar, gives Mike a light pat on the shoulder and nods before he takes a step backwards, untying the apron behind his back. He takes it off, folds it, slowly and meticulously, and lays it down onto the polished bar, right next to the scotch bottle, folds the dish towel as well and places it on top of the neatly folded apron. Nodding at Mike once more, he walks around the bar with carefully measured steps and takes a bunch of keys from the pocket of his trousers on his way to the bar’s door. He puts the key into the key hole, but then he pauses and takes a slow, deep breath before he finally turns it.

"What are you doing," Mike asks. His eyes have followed Harvey all the way through the room and he has turned around on his stool, leaning against the bar with his elbows behind his back.

"I'm locking up," Harvey says, taking another deep breath, and turns to face Mike again. "I'm done here."

"For today?" Mike's eyebrows furrow and he licks his dry, slightly cracked lips. 

"No," Harvey says and walks back to the bar. "Get Amber and her stuff and come with me." He staples Mike's glass into his own and retrieves two more bottles of scotch from a cabinet under the bar. Picking up those two bottles and clamping them between his arm and his chest he watches Mike struggle with the large bag and the car seat.

Amber makes a surprised little sound when the car seat is lifted off of the bar and then almost dropped.

"She's waking up," Harvey observes and picks up the glasses and the third, half-empty bottle as well. "We will have to feed her soon. Follow me."

"I don't know how to feed a baby," Mike mutters grudgingly as he follows Harvey through the back door of the bar. They walk along a just dimly lit, narrow hallway with another door on its other end. The hallway seems to go on for far longer than it actually is and there's a part of Mike that wishes it didn't exist at all. "I honestly don't know."

Harvey unbolts the door and lets Mike walk through, holding it open for him while taking in the worried look on the younger man’s face. "It's on the box, Mike," he smiles reassuringly. "Don't worry. We'll manage."

Mike inhales deeply and takes a look around. The room is not exactly vast but it isn't too small either and it’s functionally furnished. There's a wooden table in the middle with four chairs. It is empty but for a single, smudged glass with gold brown liquid covering its bottom. Bookshelves line the room, there is a huge wooden cupboard on the wall to his left and in the far away corner lie two mattresses, one lining up with each wall. A pillow and a blanket are lying on one of them, neatly folded, and the other is covered with various items: clothes, a woolen blanket, a saxophone, some books and newspapers, magazines, sheet music and other things.

There is a door to Mike's right and another one left of the one he's just entered the room through. Bathroom and kitchen, he assumes.

"Home sweet home," Harvey says and sets the bottles and the glasses down onto the table. "Sorry," he says, picks up the dirty glass and shoots a glance at Mike, who hasn't moved an inch. "I don't have many visitors."

There is an air of awkwardness around Harvey for a moment and Mike can't shake the feeling that he's the first person he has brought back here in a pretty long time. 

"You can put her here." Harvey taps the tabletop with his palm and motions for Mike to come closer. "I don't have a crib—" He pauses and Mike can see how his jaws clench for the fraction of a second. Harvey swallows thickly and averts his eyes. "But I have an idea."

Mike crosses the room slowly and puts the car seat down where Harvey has indicated for him to do. He lets the strap of the heavy bag slip from his shoulder and pulls a chair out to drop the bag onto. Straightening his back, he catches Harvey's eyes again. They hold gazes for a moment, motionless, and Mike feels as if a bubble is slowly closing around them. For a second, he can't breathe and his surroundings fade into shadows.

When Amber makes another of her weird little noises, a mixture between a sigh and a cry, accompanied by that funny smacking sound, Harvey breaks eye contact and Mike feels both miserable and grateful as things snap back to normal.

Harvey has turned his attention to Amber now and smiles when she opens her eyes. "She looks hungry," he says and in that exact same second, the baby's face scrunches up and she starts to cry miserably. He bends over her a little and sniffles. "And she stinks." Wrinkling his nose, he unties the baby from her seat straps and lifts her out of the seat.

Mike watches Harvey's sure and steady movements avidly. As soon as the baby is out of her seat and in Harvey's arms, her crying wanes at least two notches. Harvey holds her in the crook of his arm for a moment, gently rocking her against his chest. "You poor little thing," he whispers to her quietly before he turns to Mike. "Here," he says and holds the baby out to him. "You go and change her," he nods towards the door on the right, "and I'll take care of the food."

"She looks too pale." Mike takes the baby from Harvey with trembling hands and immediately her crying grows louder again. He holds her for a moment and frowns as he looks down at her before he raises his head again, a question in his eyes. 

Harvey is still there. He hasn't moved and he's staring at Mike with a look on his face that Mike is unable to read. On the one hand it screams rejection and defense, but on the other hand there is such a profound gentleness in it that it makes Mike's head spin.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Mike asks warily and starts to rock the baby in his arms, just like he has seen Harvey do it just a couple of moments ago. "What if I—"

"Mike," Harvey interrupts and closes the distance between them. He hesitates for a second, biting his lips, but then he carefully runs his palm over the baby's head and his mouth curls into a faint smile. "She’s a baby. Why wouldn't she like you?" He strokes her head again and his smile broadens when the crying stops. Still smiling, he raises his head and locks eyes with Mike. "Don't worry. You'll do fine." 

Mike frowns and looks down at the tiny baby in his arms. "I just wish I was as confident as you are," he murmurs and cradles Amber in one arm while reaching for the bag with his now free hand. "I don't know how to do any of this. But I'll try."

Harvey nods and turns to walk towards the kitchen. 

"Wait," Mike calls after him and holds out the bag. "You’ll need a bottle and the—her other stuff."

Harvey takes the bag from Mike's hand and rummages through its contents until he has found a box with the milk powder and a bottle. He hangs the bag over Mike's shoulder and nods, touching Mike's upper arm briefly. "Now you go and change her."

When Mike emerges from the bathroom a couple of minutes later, Harvey is already back in the room and a bottle full of milk is standing on the table. "It needs to cool down a little more," Harvey says and takes a step towards Mike, tilting his head. "How did it go?"

"I've never changed a baby before," Mike admits a little sheepishly and hands Amber over to Harvey. "I hope I didn't fuck it up too bad."

Harvey cradles the baby in his arms and looks at her for a while, just looks at her, and Mike watches a battle of emotions taking place on Harvey's face: tenderness, fear, anger, pain and something that Mike can only describe as love. "Nah," Harvey shakes his head and smiles. "She looks fine." He pulls out a chair with one hand and sits down. Then he picks up the bottle and holds it against his cheek. "Hmmm," he makes and sets the bottle down again. "You’ll have to wait just a little longer, princess" he tells the baby who lets out an angry, frustrated groan – or at least that's what it sounds like – in protest, and that noise makes both Harvey and Mike burst into a short laugh. "Her Royal Highness is not amused," Harvey grins and his eyes sparkle brightly for a brief moment before a shadow of sadness clouds them again.

The grin fades from Mike's face as well and he nods towards the baby's bag. "There are diapers in that bag," he says, "and lotion and clothes and a couple of pacifiers and bottles, milk powder and baby wipes." A slight frown creeps onto his face as he continues. "I don't know how many diapers a baby needs per day so I don't know how long they'll last. And there's nothing for her to play with. No toys. No teddy bear."

"I have one," Harvey says after a short silence and rises from his chair. He walks over to Mike and hands him the baby, then he crosses the room to where the big cupboard is standing and opens it after just a second of hesitation that would almost have gone unnoticed if Mike hadn't been watching the other man so closely. Mike can see clothes on hangers and on shelves, shoes and some large cardboard boxes. Harvey pulls out one of those boxes and opens it. After sorting through its contents for a moment he comes up with an old, raggedy stuffed teddy bear in his hands. It is light brown with a dirty blue ribbon around its neck and a rather flattened nose and its face is missing an eye. Harvey lowers his head, holds the teddy bear under his nose and, closing his eyes, takes a deep breath.

"Here," he finally says handing the toy to Mike. "He used to belong to my brother when he was a kid." He bites his lips and nods. "She can have him."

"Why—" Mike starts to speak but when he sees the look on Harvey's face he immediately falls silent.

Harvey blinks and nods again. "My father insisted we keep it," he says and turns away to put the box back into the cupboard. "And I—" He falls silent and keeps fumbling with the box's lid.

"Your father," Mike says and Harvey stops in his movements but he doesn't turn around to face Mike. 

"Yeah," Harvey says and his voice sounds hollow in Mike's ears. "He—We used to live here together, he and I, after—"

"Where is he now?" Mike asks when Harvey doesn't continue, and his heart constricts in his chest when he clarifies. "Your father – where is he now?"

"Gone," Harvey says and closes the cupboard's heavy doors. They creak. They didn’t creak when Harvey opened them, or at least Mike doesn’t remember. "He's gone."

"Did he have to go to—I mean, did they draft him for service? Was he—" 

"No," Harvey interrupts almost harshly and finally turns around. "No," he repeats and his shoulders sag. "Heart attack. About six months ago. He never—He somehow always got away, talked himself out of everything, he—" He swallows and runs his hand over his mouth. "He never was the same again after Marcus—" He takes a deep breath and walks over to the table again. "Anyway," he says, picks up the bottle and holds it against the inside of his wrist. "I think it's okay now." Handing the bottle to Mike, he nods. "You feed her and I go and fix some dinner for us, too."

Mike takes the bottle in his hand and stares after Harvey as he disappears into the kitchen and closes the door behind him. "I'm so sorry," he whispers but the other man is already gone. Like everyone else he knows, Mike has heard so many sad stories and so many devastating news over the course of the last seven years and with time his feelings have gradually dulled so that he has come to merely take note of those things and file them away in his mind. He doesn't understand why it suddenly hurts to swallow. He tries it again and then a third time but the pain in his throat simply won't go away.

When the baby stirs in his arm, he tears his eyes away from the kitchen door and once he has managed to get the little girl to latch on to the sucker, he lets his eyes wander around the room for a while until they come to rest on the second mattress, the one that is covered with clutter. He stares at it for some moments before the baby turns her head and the sucker slips from her mouth. "Here," he mutters and carefully rubs the tip of the sucker over the baby's pink lips. "Here it is." He frowns when she turns her head away once more and starts to cry. "Come on," he coaxes gently and teases her lips again. "You need to eat."

The baby just sniffles but she doesn't open her mouth. "Come on," Mike says again, a hint of helpless exasperation swinging in his words, and the frown on his face deepens. "Please. You need to eat, you do. You're so small and—" He offers her the sucker again, pleading, and he adjusts his hold on her ever so slightly. "Amber, come on. For me."

Amber opens her eyes and looks at Mike, really looks at Mike for the very first time. Her eyes are dark blue and Mike feels as if he could drown in them. They stare at each other for some seconds and then she opens her mouth, lets Mike bring the sucker between her lips and starts to drink. Mike sighs with relief. "Good girl," he whispers and tightens his hold on her a little bit. "You good little girl."

Mike watches the baby drink, mesmerized, and when she takes a little break and smacks her lips, he can feel how his own lips curl into a smile. Her cheeks are getting rosier again and her tiny hands try to grab the bottle Mike is holding for her.

The bottle is almost empty when Harvey comes back into the room carrying two plates, two forks and two knives in one hand and a carafe filled with water in the other and suddenly Mike realizes that at least half an hour must have passed since Harvey had withdrawn into the kitchen. He only then notices the smell of cooking food that's hanging in the air and suddenly his stomach growls audibly. Pulling a face and blushing, Mike tries to hide his eyes from Harvey. Harvey surely doesn't need another eater, nobody does these days, and even though Harvey invited him to stay Mike knows he's a burden.

"See?" Harvey grins and nudges Mike's arm with his elbow. "You're hungry, too." He sets the plates and the cutlery down in front of Mike and puts the carafe down in the middle of the table.

"Yeah," Mike says and looks at the baby again, watching how she finishes he bottle. "I guess I am."

Harvey nods and hands Mike the dish towel that he's been carrying slung over his shoulder. He takes it and wipes Amber's mouth with it and when Harvey is still standing there, looking down at him and watching his every move, he casts him a questioning look.

"She needs to burp," Harvey says and gestures towards the baby. "Because of the air she has swallowed while drinking. Hold her against your chest," he adds when Mike frowns at him. "Like this." He mimes holding something small against his body, cradling an imaginary head in his right hand. "Have her look over your shoulder. Use the towel."

Mike is still frowning but he takes the towel and drapes it over his shoulder. He turns the baby around in his arms and holds her the way Harvey has indicated. Casting a questioning look at Harvey he tenses briefly but relaxes again when Harvey nods, an encouraging smile on his lips.

"Now you have to rub her back a little," Harvey instructs and watches as Mike begins to move his hand up and down little Amber's back. "You can also pat her a bit, that usually helps, too. You'll know if you're doing it right pretty soon." He watches Mike for a couple of seconds longer and smiles at the awkward seriousness with which Mike follows his instructions.

"Told you you'd do fine," Harvey says – and Mike thinks he detects both amusement and approval in the other man’s words – and walks back into the kitchen again while Mike pats Amber's back lightly until she burps. 

Mike is just putting the baby back into her car seat when Harvey re-emerges with two bowls in his hands. He sets them down onto the table and Mike leans forward to see what's in them. Mashed potatoes and peas.

"Help yourself," Harvey says to Mike and makes for the kitchen once more. He comes back with another plate in his hands. "Pork chops," he says and puts the plate onto the table as well. "I hope you eat pork."

Mike's eyes grow as wide as saucers. "Where—How on earth did you manage to get those?" The chops look breathtakingly delicious – Harvey has fried them with rings of onion, flavored them with salt and freshly ground pepper and Mike thinks he even smells a hint of butter.

"I'm resourceful," Harvey answers, and his eyes cloud for the briefest of moments when he reaches for the bowl with the mashed potatoes. 

"Hmmm," Mike makes and helps himself to a pork chop. "Resourceful _and_ funny. Quite the man." Mike knows he probably sounds silly but he is surprised at how much he means what he is saying.

Harvey scoffs and takes the other chop. "Yeah," he murmurs bitterly. "Quite the man." He reaches for the carafe, takes the upper one of the stapled glasses and pours it full of water. He hands it to Mike and pours one for himself, too. Nodding at Mike he starts to cut into the meat on his plate.

Mike cuts a bite off of his meat and slowly brings it to his mouth, taking a deep breath through his nose. He pops the food into his mouth, closes his eyes and starts to chew. "Hmmm," he makes after a couple of seconds. "This is _so_ good. I can't even remember the last time I had meat."

"I was saving them for the last day," Harvey says and cuts another piece from his chop. "They were in the freezer and I was hoping that I'd have electricity till then so I could keep them and eat them before—But then I thought that we could have them today instead." 

For the first time since they've met earlier that day Harvey sounds somehow insecure. Mike watches his face closely, watches how Harvey slowly and meticulously chews on his food, how the muscles in his jaws work, and when Harvey looks up from his meal, the look in his eyes makes Mike's face flush with sudden heat.

"Oh," Mike says and stares down at the food on his plate.

"Yeah," Harvey says and takes another bite. He puts down his fork and reaches across the table to cover Mike's hand briefly with his own. When he withdraws his hand again and Mike raises his head, Harvey looks much more confident again and he gives Mike a reassuring nod.

They eat in silence after that and once they're finished and Mike has helped Harvey carry the empty plates and bowls into the kitchen, Harvey picks up the half-empty bottle of scotch and pours them both a drink. "So you were on your way to—"

"No," Mike cuts in and bites his lips. "I mean, can we—" He looks at Harvey and Harvey tilts his head. "Can we just talk about—can we just _not_ talk about _it_? Please. It's just – for the last seven years I haven't talked about much else and I'm just so fucking _tired_ and—Can we just talk about, I don't know, _something_?" He knows that the tone in his voice sounds pathetic but he has to give it a shot.

"Sure," Harvey says and nods. "Do you like music?"

They talk about music for a while and at one point Harvey gets up and pulls a record from a tattered sleeve and puts it on an old-fashioned record player. A short moment later soft jazz music fills the room and both men smile when a long, content sigh comes from Amber's car seat.

"Do you play?" Mike asks and nods towards the saxophone on the second mattress. 

"Not really," Harvey says and shakes his head. "Just a little," he adds and bites his lips. "My father did, though. That was his." Rising from his chair and stepping behind it he clears his throat and rests his hands on the back of the chair for a short while, listening to the music with closed eyes. When the phrase comes to an end and the song fades out he walks over and picks the instrument up. "That's him, by the way," he says just as the next song starts. 

"Wow," Mike says and closes his eyes. 

"Yeah," Harvey whispers, crouches down and pulls a case from under the cupboard in which he stores the saxophone. "I play the clarinet," he says and shoves the case back under the cupboard. "And the guitar." His voice almost cracks on the second syllable of the word _guitar_ and Mike imagines him squeezing his eyes shut right now. Then Harvey rises again and straightens his back. "But I sold them," he says, more firmly, and locks eyes with Mike who just nods in silent acknowledgement. He doesn't want to even begin to imagine what Harvey had to resort to to be able to keep the saxophone and he tries as hard as he can not to let that thought show in his eyes.

They share a few more drinks and chat about their favorite bands and their best concert experiences for the next couple of hours, comparing their likings and exchanging stories they connect with certain songs. Mike is in the middle of recounting the events of a concert he once attended in Vancouver a year or so before the first official announcements were made when Amber wakes up and goes into crying mode almost immediately.

"I think," Mike says, trying to hide the slight hint of panic that threatens to creep into his voice by draining the remains of his drink before he rises to pick her up, "that I am about to have my second go at changing a baby."

"Yeah," Harvey says, "and I will fix her another bottle." When Mike nods and takes Amber into his arms, Harvey cracks a small smile. "See? We're figuring it out already."

When Mike returns with the freshly changed baby in his arms, the bottle is already standing on the table but Harvey is nowhere to be seen. Mike peeks into the kitchen, and there he is, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to the elbows, doing the dishes.

"I can help," Mike says and Harvey, who apparently hasn't heard Mike approaching, startles a little but he doesn't turn around. "Nah," he says and puts the pan onto the drying rack. "I've got it." He shakes the water and the foam off of his hands and picks up a clean dish towel. "I'll be with you in a sec," he says and turns around. "Why don't you put on another record, if you like?"

Mike takes Amber back into the living room and lays her down into her car seat and while he puts the record back into its sleeve, he stops and looks at the man on the cover with his graying hair and his kind, troubled face. _Gordon Specter_ , he reads. "Harvey Specter," he murmurs and startles when a voice behind him says:

"Yeah, that's me. Harvey Reginald Specter."

Harvey is leaning against the shelf next to Mike. He nods when Mike shows him a new record he has chosen and Mike puts it on.

They sit down at the table again and Mike starts feeding the baby while Harvey watches the two of them closely. At first Mike feels unsettled by Harvey's almost scrutinizing gaze but then he realizes that Harvey is indeed just watching and not judging and he relaxes a little.

A couple of minutes later Harvey gets up and walks into the kitchen once more. He comes back only a minute or so later, carrying a large, flat, empty cardboard box, and now it's Mike's time to watch. Harvey sets the box down on the table next to the bottles and goes to retrieve a pillow and some towels and a blanket from the cupboard. Folding one of the blankets twice, he stuffs it into the box and makes sure it covers the whole bottom. He then folds a towel in half and places it on top of the blanket. His movements are meticulous and well organized and Mike frowns inwardly at how much pleasure he takes in watching Harvey work, in watching Harvey’s sure and steady hands. "We can use this as her feather bed," Harvey says, holding up the pillow, and places it on top of the towel.

Mike smiles. "Resourceful," he says and coaxes Amber to take the sucker back into her mouth after she's turned her head away for a moment. And when Harvey changes the subject from music to sports once their conversation threatens to ebb, when their words begin to come more slowly, Mike is grateful for that. He feels as if this is the first real break he is allowed in years and it feels so good to pretend the world outside isn't going to shit for once, even if just for a little while. To pretend that there is still an economy, music and concert and sports, that there is still some sort of a system, not total chaos. Maybe even to pretend that those interim dictatorships are still in place – at least they had meant a certain form of stability. Mike bites back a harsh laugh. And when he looks at Harvey across the table, miming a particularly daring baseball swing, a peculiar feeling settles in his stomach. For a moment Mike feels torn between wanting to hug the life out of Harvey and to punch him in the face. He only notices that Harvey is waiting for him to say something when Harvey says his name.

"Mike?" Harvey tries to hold his gaze but Mike averts his eyes, blushing slightly. 

"Yeah, sorry," Mike mutters and hides his face behind his glass. "About what you said about DiMaggio…" 

Amber interrupts their heated debate about their favorite baseball teams and players with a heartbreaking yawn once she has finished her bottle. Mike burps her again and looks at Harvey who picks up the make-shift baby bed and carries it to the corner with the mattresses. Mike follows him and gently lays Amber down onto the towel when Harvey pulls back the pillow. They cover her carefully and she closes her eyes immediately. Mike goes and fetches the stuffed teddy bear and places it next to her under the pillow. "She's asleep all the time," he says and winces at the ache in his back when he rises to his feet again. "Is that normal?"

"She's a baby," Harvey says and casually runs his hand down Mike's spine, resting his palm against the small of Mike's back. "She's exhausted."

Mike nods and allows himself to lean into Harvey's touch for a short moment before he breaks away again and walks over to the table. He finishes his drink while Harvey clears the second mattress of the clutter.

Mike can't take his eyes off of Harvey as he hangs or folds the scattered clothes and puts the blankets away into the cupboard. He watches him piling up the books next to one of the shelves and making a second pile of the newspapers and magazines, retrieving a pillow and a blanket from the cupboard and dropping them onto the mattress, nodding at the result of his work contently. Mike is sure that he has never seen anything so captivating as the steady rise and fall of Harvey's shoulder line as he stares at the mattress below.

Harvey returns to drown his drink and walks around the table once he's set his empty glass down. Gently placing his hand on Mike's shoulder he gestures towards the mattresses. "You can sleep there. I'm just going to—" He interrupts himself and crosses the room for the bathroom.

Mike rises and walks through the kitchen to the back door where he has parked his car. He gathers his duffle bag from the trunk and carefully locks the back door again behind him when he's back inside. He undresses quickly and puts on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Rummaging through his baggage for some moments he finally finds the small washbag with his toothbrush and toothpaste and that's when the bathroom door opens behind him.

Harvey steps out, clad in a well-worn grey Henley and a pair of black sweatpants. He leaves the door open and walks over to the mattresses.

From the corner of his eyes Mike can see Harvey turn off the lights and slip under his blanket before he closes the bathroom door behind him. He quickly washes himself and brushes his teeth. For a moment he debates leaving his toothbrush and toothpaste right there, on the edge of the sink, but on second thought he stores them away in his washbag again and puts it back into his duffle bag when he returns to the living room. 

Mike quickly checks on Amber who is sound asleep at the foot of "his" mattress and then he stands between the two mattresses, frowning. Harvey's eyes are closed but after a couple of seconds of Mike just standing there and fumbling with the hem of his shirt he opens them and looks straight at Mike. _Please_ , Mike thinks and _I want_ —but he somehow doesn't know what it is he wants so he doesn't say anything out loud. They hold gazes for a moment and then Harvey nods ever so slightly and holds up his blanket.

Mike closes his eyes and exhales slowly. Then he slips under the covers next to Harvey. He lies down on his back and Harvey scoots aside a little, rolling onto his side. Propping himself up on one elbow Harvey looks at Mike in the almost dark room.

Mike can feel Harvey's eyes on his skin and when he opens his own eyes and looks at the other man, Harvey bites his lips.

He lifts his hand and lets his fingertips run over Mike's forehead, his temples and down his cheeks, gently caressing Mike's skin with his careful, exploring touch. When his fingers reach Mike's mouth, he pauses. He leans down and places a tender kiss on Mike's lips. He brushes over Mike's lips with his thumb once before he leans down again and kisses Mike once more. 

Mike's lips are pliant and soft under Harvey's caress and when the tip of Harvey's tongue darts out and runs over his lower lip, he opens his mouth a little and lets Harvey in.

They kiss like this for a while, gently and tenderly, and slowly Mike starts to feel a little warm for the first time in weeks. He can feel the blood pool in his groin and he quietly moans into Harvey’s mouth.

Harvey cups Mike's cheek and breaks the kiss, breathing a little more heavily than before.

Mike sits up a little, pulls his t-shirt over his head and turns to his side as well, his back against Harvey's chest. He exhales slowly when Harvey's hand runs down his spine for the second time that day and he presses his butt against Harvey's groin, moaning at the sensation of Harvey's growing erection nudging his crack through Harvey's sweatpants and his boxers. 

He can feel Harvey's breath against the nape of his neck and when Harvey's fingers find their way into his boxers, when Harvey runs them down between his cheeks, a tremor runs through Mike's body and he bites his lips, fighting to hold back another moan. 

Harvey's hand wanders to the front of Mike's body and closes around Mike's dick briefly. Mike thrusts into Harvey's fist almost involuntarily and when Harvey withdraws his hand again only a moment later, he bites down on his lips even harder.

Harvey sits up and pulls off his own shirt and trousers before he reaches for the hem of Mike's boxers and pushes them down.

Mike lifts his hips and lets Harvey pull them off and the second they are gone Harvey pulls Mike close against his chest. Mike starts peppering Harvey's arm with quick, tiny kisses, letting his fingers run over Harvey's skin wherever his lips have been just moments before.

"I don't know why I stayed," he whispers and Harvey's hold on him tightens.

"Because," Harvey murmurs and licks along the vein in Mike's throat, lingering on Mike's pulse point. "Because you need this just as much as I do."

"God yes," Mike breathes when Harvey bites down on his throat and pushes his hips against Mike's ass at the same time. "Yes…"

Harvey's dick is rock hard by then and pre-come is leaking from its tip. Harvey ruts his hips against Mike, smearing the sticky liquid over Mike's crack and butt cheeks. "Yes," he echoes as he brings his hand between them, spreading Mike's cheeks. He runs his index finger over Mike's hole and Mike's fingers dig into his lower arm. He repeats the movement a couple of times and then he brings his hand up again and spits onto his fingers. When they return to Mike's entrance they're wet with saliva. "I'm sorry—" Harvey whispers and starts to tease Mike's hole with circling patterns. "I don't have—I didn't know we'd—"

"'s alright," Mike hisses and pushes back against Harvey's fingers. "'s alright…"

Harvey breaches Mike with one finger and suddenly everything happens very fast. Harvey fingers Mike open and even though they both know that the preparation should be more thorough, the moment when they can't wait any longer comes quickly. 

Mike urges Harvey on with pants and little jerks of his hips and subtle shifts of his body and when Harvey spits into his hand again and positions himself behind him Mike holds his breath.

Harvey enters Mike with one long, slow thrust and he doesn't stop until he's fully sheathed. They try to stay motionless for as long as possible, both panting heavily and Harvey's heartbeat a constant erratic flutter against Mike's back, but they can't bear the stillness for long.

Mike releases a harsh breath when Harvey starts moving inside of him and it only takes a few thrusts of Harvey's hips and a few answering ones of Mike's, fucking into Harvey's hand, to push them both over the edge.

Harvey groans his release against the sweaty skin at the nape of Mike's neck and Mike comes just a moment later, spilling over Harvey's hand and biting his lips, shaking in Harvey's embrace while Harvey finishes emptying himself into Mike's trembling body.

When they come down from their painful high, Harvey slips from Mike's channel and Mike turns around in Harvey's arm. They exchange a few long, deep, hungry kisses, their hands fisted into each others' hair. 

"I want—," Mike pants, breathless with both satisfaction and new awakening need. "I want us to do this again." He pulls Harvey in for another kiss and pushes his hips against Harvey's groin. 

Harvey moans and answers Mike's thrust with one of his own. 

"As soon as possible," Mike adds breathlessly and brings his hands to Harvey's butt and pulls the other man flush against himself.

Harvey kisses him back and for a moment Mike feels as if he might pass out. 

Biting back another moan, Mike opens his legs and Harvey climbs between them, settling there on his knees. Mike is still loose and open so Harvey slips into him easily, pulling Mike up for a greedy kiss once his whole length is buried inside of him.

Mike moans into their kiss and this time it takes even less thrusting and rutting to make them come again. 

Harvey rolls off of him once his softening dick has slipped from Mike's body and they both lie on their backs next to each other, sweaty and sated, trying to catch their breaths. 

Mike closes his eyes and covers them with his arm when Harvey's hand comes to rest on his sticky and almost flaccid cock. He turns his head a little towards Harvey, never taking his arm off of his eyes and he knows that Harvey has done the same when he feels Harvey's warm breath on his face.

Amber wakes them a little over an hour later and after Mike has changed her, first he and then Harvey take a quick shower and get dressed again, slipping into yesterday's clothes while softly talking to each other. The normalcy of all of those simple actions and their developing routine have a surreal touch to them and for a moment it makes Mike feel as if he's seeing the whole room through a veil.

Mike asks Harvey to play something on the saxophone for him after they've fed the baby and put her back to sleep but Harvey says no. He instead fetches a deck of playing cards from one of the shelves and they play 500 till the sun comes up.

 

~End of Day Minus Seven~


	3. Day Minus Six

"I'll be gone for a little while," Harvey says when Mike comes back from a bathroom break. He's standing at the kitchen door, wearing a heavy, dark grey parka and a pair of combat boots. A large bag is slung over his shoulder and judging by the way he's standing there seems to be something very heavy in his pocket.

"Okay," Mike replies quietly and sits down at the table again, watching Harvey leave through the back door. He shuffles the cards and starts to lay them out for a game of solitaire. As soon as the door slams shut behind Harvey and Mike can hear the bolt slip shut, he exhales shakily and scoops up the cards again, forming an accurate pile and placing it in the lower left corner of the table, face down. With a swish of his right hand, he spreads the cards over the table's surface in an even arc. For almost a whole minute he stares at the cards, not even blinking an eye, before he takes a deep breath and picks up a random card. He turns its face towards Amber, who's watching Mike from her car seat on the chair next to him, clears his throat and says: "The Joker, ladies and gentlemen." Then he puts the card back, placing it randomly among the others, and swishes his hand over them again, bringing them back into a neat pile. Straightening his back, he takes the stack of cards in his hands, shuffles them, lets them pour from one hand into the other in an elegant arc, divides the stack in two and puts them head to head on the table, flipping through them with his thumbs so they interweave with one another seamlessly, parts the pile again, and fans the two smaller stacks into each other with two swift swipes of his hands.

Amber's eyes follow his every movement and when she makes a pleased, gurgling sound, Mike bows to her and mimes raising a top hat. He shuffles the cards again and quickly smashes the whole pile down onto the tabletop right in the middle of the table, face down. "Oooops," he says, covering his mouth with his hands, raising his eyebrows as high as he can in mock surprise, and bows down to pick up a single card that is lying under the table. Grinning, he comes back up and holds the card out to Amber. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand – the Joker, ladies and gentlemen! It _is_ the Joker!"

He spreads his arms and looks at the baby expectantly. For a few moments they lock eyes and then Amber's little face scrunches up and she starts to cry loudly.

"Shit," Mike mutters and buries his face in his hands. "Shit." He waits a couple of seconds and when the crying doesn't ebb, he gets up and picks Amber up from her seat. Once she's in his arms, she quiets down and rests her head against his shoulder, sucking her thumb. "Okay," Mike whispers and strokes her back. "Okay…" He starts wandering around the room, pulling random books from the shelves with one hand and when he comes to the cupboard, he stops. He turns the key in its hole and slowly pulls the doors open but before he can really look inside, he closes them again, shaking his head.

He sits down on his mattress, his back against the wall, and bends his knees. When he places Amber in his lap, her back against his upper thighs, her eyes never leave his. He takes her little hands in his and begins to move them up and down a bit, nodding his head in rhythm with his movements.

Amber's cheeks are still flushed and still a little wet, so Mike reaches out and wipes her drying tears away with his fingers. "I'm sorry," he whispers and leans his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. "I just wish…"

When Amber's hands close around his index fingers, he shifts a little and looks at her. He watches her face being taken over by the most dramatic yawn in all human history and he can't help but laugh out loud. "You little sleepyhead," he chuckles and scrambles to his knees, carefully gathering the baby into his arms. "Here, let me put you to bed." He lays her down into her make-shift bed and covers her with her pillow. "Sleep well," he whispers and he has bowed down over her almost completely, his lips almost touching her forehead, when he stops himself and withdraws. "Shit," he mutters again and scrambles to his feet. Running his hands through his hair he stands in front of one of the book shelves and takes a couple of deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut. 

After some moments he picks a book from the shelf, sits down at the table and opens it at a random page. He starts to read but after only a few lines he just leaves through it, closes it, opens it again at another page, starts to read again and sighs. He closes the book with a flap and puts it on the table in front of him, leans back and lets his eyes flutter shut. _"He was an old man,"_ Mike begins to recite quietly. Then he stops, clears his throat and sits up a little straighter. _"He was an old man,"_ he repeats, _"who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish."_

He tries to go on for as long as possible, but when he's about halfway through page three of "The Old Man and the Sea", he can't take it anymore. He stands up and leans forward, resting his hands flat on the table top. Drawing a few deep breaths he just stands there, staring at the scarred wood until his eyes begin to water. He paces the room for longer than he cares to admit, twenty minutes, half an hour maybe, before he sits back down only to jump up again not even ten seconds later. 

After a sideways glance at Amber, who is sound asleep in her bed, Mike heads for the kitchen. He rummages through the cupboards until he finds a bucket, a mop, clean towels and the cleaning agents. From a pile in the corner he takes a couple of old newspapers and scrunches some pages up before he sets to work, first the insides of the cupboards, then the stove, then the floor. He saves the windows for last and starts with the one next to the door and when that is clean he moves on to the one over the sink. While he's in the midst of cleaning it, kneeling on the countertop and the hot water running down his arms into the sleeves of his shirt, the backdoor swings open and he freezes.

"Mike," Harvey says and Mike can feel him tilting his head. "What _on earth_ are you doing?"

"I—" Mike lets the cleaning rag fall into the bucket but he doesn't turn around.

"Mike?"

He can hear how Harvey sets down something heavy and then there's the jingling sound of the keys. Slowly, he slides off of the countertop and turns around. "I don't know," he murmurs, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "I—" His shoulders slump and he takes a deep, shaky breath.

"Come here," Harvey says and opens his arms.

The way across the freshly cleaned kitchen floor is long and Mike's steps feel heavy. When he finally reaches Harvey and the other man takes him into his arms, for a second he thinks he might burst into tears, just like that, just like little Amber, but he only wraps his arms around Harvey's waist and buries his face against the other man’s shoulder. Harvey smells of soap and smoke and sweat and worry. "I didn't know if you were coming back," Mike whispers and inhales deeply. "I thought you'd left."

Harvey's hold on him tightens and Mike takes another deep breath.

"I would never do that," Harvey says and his voice sends shivers down Mike's spine. "I promise, I would never do that."

Mike nods and tries to break free from Harvey's embrace but Harvey holds on. "I promise. Mike, I promise."

"Okay," Mike mutters against Harvey's parka and pulls Harvey even tighter against himself for a moment. "Okay."

When they let go, Harvey smiles at him fondly. "Help me with the groceries?" He nods towards the backyard. "And then we can sit down together for a little while if you like."

"Okay," Mike says again and follows Harvey outside where a large pick-up truck is parked next to his car. The cargo area is packed with boxes, crates and bags.

"Wow," Mike stops short and casts a glance at Harvey who has already picked up one of the crates. "You really are resourceful. Where—How did you get all that?"

"Store guy owed me one," Harvey groans under the weight of the crate. "Come on, let's get this inside."

They carry everything into the kitchen and when everything is stored away there and Mike is putting diapers and lotion onto a shelf in the bathroom, Harvey comes in, the bucket with the dirty cleaning water in his hands. He empties it into the toilet, washes his hands and pulls Mike into his arms when Mike has just turned to leave. They stay like that for some moments, holding each other and breathing together until they hear a strangled whine from the living room. It turns out to be false alarm, though. Amber is still sound asleep. 

"I don't know why she sleeps so much," Mike mutters and places the teddy bear closer to her tiny body. "That can't be normal."

"Mike," Harvey touches Mike's arm reassuringly. "Don't worry. She's still exhausted from the drive. She will be much livelier tomorrow." He sinks to his knees onto his mattress and pulls Mike down with him, settling into a sitting position against the wall with Mike between his legs. He wraps his arms around Mike from behind and nuzzles the nape of his neck.

Mike closes his eyes and tries to relax into Harvey's embrace. "God," he sighs. "I—I just want to touch you all the time…"

"Hmm-mm," Harvey's hands run up and down Mike’s arms and the low vibration of Harvey's voice tingles against his skin. "Me, too."

Mike tries to fit his body even closer against Harvey, shifting between his legs. He's squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his jaws and he has to force himself to relax again. "I hate this," he presses through his teeth. "I—I don't even know you and I hate that I need you so much. Don't you hate this?"

"No," Harvey shakes his head and brings one hand up to brush Mike's hair back, tilting his head back against his shoulder. "No, I don't."

They sit like that for twenty minutes or so, just holding on to each other, before Harvey starts nibbling along Mike's throat, pulling Mike's shirt out of the way with trembling fingers and his breath warm on Mike's skin. Mike can feel the blood pooling in his groin and when he scoots backwards a little he can feel Harvey's growing hardness against his ass. 

Mike lets his head fall back and reaches for Harvey's hand. Eyes closed, he brings it between his legs and places it onto his hardening bulge. "Can we—" He moans when Harvey squeezes him through his jeans and he covers Harvey's hand with his. "Please, can we—"

"Yeah, yeah—" Harvey breathes against Mike's throat, reaching for Mike's button and zipper and trying to brush off his shoes at the same time. "God, yeah—"

They begin to undress each other frantically, but when they get too tangled up in sleeves and legs, they stand up and finish taking their clothes off standing. When they're fully naked, Harvey pulls Mike against himself and kisses him hungrily.

Mike tries to pull Harvey down onto the mattress with him, but Harvey shakes his head. "Wait." He breaks free and rushes into the bathroom, returning a moment later with a jar of Vaseline. He lies down with Mike and unscrews the lid. “That was the only thing I could get,” he says.

"Hurry," Mike whispers and pushes back against Harvey's fingers. "Hurry—"

Harvey tries to take his time preparing Mike but they both get impatient far too quickly, so he coats himself with Vaseline only after a short time of opening Mike up and pushes in. He stills and gathers Mike into his arms as good as he can in this position and Mike immediately pushes back, pressing himself against Harvey's body even more.

"Closer," Mike pants and reaches behind himself for Harvey's neck. "More." He squeezes his muscles around Harvey’s dick and digs his fingers into Harvey's arm and neck. "Closer, please—"

Harvey slings his leg over Mike's and flexes his hips, moaning when Mike tightens around him again. He shifts his weight until he is almost lying on top of Mike and breathes against the nape of his neck with his mouth wide open. Flexing his hips again, he blindly reaches for Mike's cock and Mike's hand joins his a mere moment later. 

"I need—" Mike bites his lips and pushes back against Harvey, pressing their bodies together as tightly as he can. "Oh god, I need—" He can feel how Harvey is swelling even more, the full length of his cock hard and pulsing inside of him. "I want you to come inside of me."

"Fuck," Harvey hisses and flexes his hips again, trying to thrust into Mike's heat and to keep their bodies as close together as possible at the same time. "Yeah—" His fingers entwined with Mike's, he moves his hand up and down Mike's erection with increasing pace.

"'m so fucking close," Mike whispers between stifled moans and he tenses in Harvey's arms when Harvey stops stroking his cock for a second and tightens his grip around it. His hips jerk once, twice, almost of their own accord and when Harvey moves their hands again and bites down on his shoulder, Mike flies over the edge, coming into their joined hands, a long flow of helpless moans streaming from his lips.

"Yeah, god, yeah, fuck, yeah, yeah," Harvey pants against Mike's sweaty skin, never ceasing his stroking and the moment he comes Mike can actually feel how Harvey empties himself inside of him and his dick spurts another strand of warm white come over their fingers.

"Oh god, oh god, oh godddd," Mike moans, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and biting his lips so hard he tastes blood. "Oh my god…" He can feel Harvey thrust into him again with erratic jerks of his hips and all tension leaves his body. 

Harvey turns them a little more and he is lying on top of Mike now, his hips twitching shallowly against Mike's ass. "You're perfect," he breathes into Mike's hair. "God, you're perfect, you're the most perfect—I—" He opens his mouth wide and presses his tongue against the nape of Mike's neck, his panting breath hot on Mike's skin, so hot it feels like fire. A couple of moments later, he slips out and lies next to Mike on his side. His fingers tremble as he traces lazy patterns on Mike's back.

"I used to be an attorney," he says, letting his fingers trail from the nape of Mike's neck to his tailbone. "Before."

When Mike doesn't answer, he simply goes on. "Harvard Law, fifth in my class. Worked at one of the top law firms in Manhattan, even had my name on the door for a short while before—before everything went to shit. Before the law went away." He's caressing Mike's back, his shoulders and the slopes of his ass with his flat palm now, and Mike knows he's being carefully mapped. "That was the first thing to go, of course, when—I used to love it, all of it, even the shitty bits. Even the all-nighters and the times I had to be an asshole in order to win a case. God, how I loved it!" He chuckles mirthlessly and traces Mike's crack with his fingers. "Seems ridiculous now, all the money and all those business cards, all those three-piece suits. All that power," he adds after a short pause. He bends forward a little and places a gentle kiss between Mike's shoulder blades.

"Do you miss it?" Mike mumbles into the crook of his arm. 

Harvey's fingers still and for the longest time Harvey doesn't answer. When Mike turns his head and locks eyes with him he nods. "Yeah," he says and swallows thickly. "Every goddamn day."

Mike nods and rolls onto his side so he's facing Harvey. "You're very beautiful," he says, letting his eyes wander up and down Harvey's body.

Harvey snorts, rolls onto his back and covers his eyes with his arm. When Mike snuggles up to him he exhales deeply and turns his head until his face is buried in Mike's hair. "What do you say we take Amber for a little walk later," he asks. "I know a path in the woods that should be safe."

"I don't know," Mike murmurs and Harvey kisses his hair. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"We all could use a little air," Harvey says and Mike nods. 

"Later, okay?"

"Sure."

They lay like that for a while and when it gets chilly, Harvey pulls the covers up. 

"Do you have a chess board," Mike asks and Harvey shakes his head. 

"Not anymore."

"Oh." Mike brings his hand up and places it over Harvey's heart, savoring the even beat against his palm. 

"But we can play Twenty Questions, do you like that? Or Truth or Dare." He ruffles Mike's hair a bit and smiles.

"Twenty Questions," Mike says, his own voice sounding very small to him. "Okay?"

"Sure thing, rookie," Harvey smiles and pulls Mike in for a tender kiss. "Come on, let's get dressed."

As if on cue, Amber stirs in her bed as she begins to wake up.

"Guess someone is hungry again," Mike murmurs to himself and rises, picking up his clothes from between Harvey's as Harvey heads for the bathroom. He hesitates a moment, picks up Harvey's shirt and pulls it over his head. When Harvey returns, Mike just stands there in his jeans and a shirt that is too big for him, and Harvey simply walks over to the closet and takes out a new shirt for himself.

They feed and change Amber and let her have a little nap but, just like Harvey predicted, she gets livelier by the hour. And she gets bored. She likes the teddy bear all right but both Mike and Harvey have to come up with a lot of things to entertain the little girl.

Harvey sings. Mike can hear his soft, warm voice through the bathroom door when he's washing some of Amber's clothes in the sink. He stays in the bathroom longer than necessary, the tiny clothes already hanging on a line above the tub, and listens to Harvey through the barely open door. The song Harvey sings is so beautiful Mike thinks he might cry. He sings about the sea and when that song comes to an end he sings about the stars and Mike has to lean against the wall for a while and cover his eyes.

Mike tells Amber stories. Whole stories he's read or listened to when he was a kid. Stories he makes up, and he speaks with different voices. 

Harvey doesn't hide his amusement and pleasure nor does he hide that he's listening. He drinks in every word Mike says and whenever a story comes to an end Mike can see that he's seriously hoping for _just one more_.

It's already getting dark outside when Harvey manages to coax Mike into that walk he had suggested earlier. He says he'll take the gun with them and he produces two torch lights from one of the boxes in the cupboard. 

They're wrapped in warm jackets and Mike wishes he had put on a scarf as well. Most of the time he carries Amber and Harvey's hands are always somewhere on him: resting on his arm or on the small of his back, wrapped around his waist or his shoulders and once he even takes Mike's hand in his when Amber isn't asleep and Mike has an arm free. When they come to a small ravine, they stop and gaze down at the riverbed curling below them for a while, the stars shining bright in the skies.

Harvey's breath is pale in the cold, blue night air and when he closes the distance between them Mike closes his eyes. Harvey's lips taste like nothing else and for a moment Mike thinks of taking a couple of steps backwards, only three or four, not more, but to take those few steps backwards, just like that. But then Amber stirs in his arms and the moment is gone.

They hike back to the bar in silence and for the last half a mile Harvey carries the baby. Part of Mike enjoys the chance to stretch his back and to exert the muscles in his legs but the other part is strangely relieved when they reach the back door again and turn on the light in the kitchen.

"Do you think we'll have light for much longer?" Mike worries his lip between his teeth as he takes off his anorak and hangs it over the back of a chair. "Why do we have electricity at all?"

"Generator in the basement," Harvey replies and puts Amber down into her car seat. "She shouldn't be in there so much but I don't—" A smile lights up his face when Amber tilts her head and sighs in a very dramatic way. "My father built it years ago and it's still working," he explains, turning to Mike again. "It will last."

"I want a drink," Mike says and sits down in his chair. 

"You haven't had anything to eat yet." Harvey sounds worried.

"Not hungry." Mike runs his fingers through his hair and leans back. He searches through the pockets of his anorak and takes out his pack of cigarettes. Shaking one from the pack with trembling fingers, he closes his eyes.

Harvey nods. "Okay," he murmurs and disappears into the kitchen. He comes back with an old glass ashtray, one of the scotch bottles and two glasses and he pours them both a drink before he sits down as well.

Without saying a word Mike shoves the cigarette pack towards Harvey, pulls a lighter from the pocket of his jeans and lights up. He takes a deep drag and keeps the smoke in his lungs for some seconds before exhaling again. Then he reaches for his glass and drowns it more than half-way in just one long swallow. 

"Those stories you told earlier," Harvey says, sipping on his drink as well. "To Amber. They were—"

"Don't," Mike interrupts and rises abruptly, nearly knocking over his chair. He refills his glass almost to the brim and takes it and the ashtray with him to his mattress. He slumps down, spilling some of the brown liquid onto the sheets and sits back against the wall, the ashtray to his right and the cigarette still smoking between his fingers. "Don't," he says again when Harvey so much as stirs. 

"Okay, okay," Harvey concedes and stares into his glass. "I just wish—"

Mike takes another drag from his cigarette and another long swig of scotch. For the next hour and a half they stay like that, Harvey at the table and Mike on his mattress, drinking and smoking in silence.

Harvey feeds and changes Amber one more time while Mike watches him from the corners of his eyes and then he goes to the bathroom to change and slips under his covers, curling up with his back against the wall, facing Mike.

Mike just stares at him, sipping on his drink and lighting another cigarette. Harvey sighs and closes his eyes, his jaws tightly set. 

Half an hour later Mike toes off his shoes and lies down, pulling the covers up over himself, but after only ten minutes he crawls over to Harvey's mattress and right into his arms when Harvey lifts the blanket for Mike to slip underneath.

They fuck again, clinging to each other desperately in the dark, rutting towards a nerve-wracking, painful climax, their strangled moans and shallow pants filling the room even minutes after they have come. 

When they rise again, after it is over and after half an hour's rest, and get dressed, Mike doesn't look Harvey in the eyes.

 

~End of Day Minus Six~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines Mike quotes when he is alone are from Ernest Hemingway's "The Old Man And The Sea". One of my favourite authors, one of my favourite texts. No disrespect intended! :D


	4. Day Minus Five

Mike doesn't know how many rounds of Twenty Questions they've played when Amber wakes up in the morning. His mouth feels dry and even a little sore despite the glasses of scotch and water he has been drinking all through the night and he doesn't know what time it is like he usually always does, even without a watch. There's a numbing buzz filling his ears and head and his eyes swim when he looks up at Harvey.

"You look like shit," he mutters and rubs his eyes. It pains him to see Harvey's beautiful face wrapped in so many lines and shadows.

"I just wish," Harvey sighs and reaches across the table for Mike's hand. "I just wish that you'd tell me what the hell is wrong."

Mike inhales sharply and leans forward a little. "What is wrong? What is _wr—_ " He shakes his head and stares Harvey square in the eyes. "Christ, I—What is _wrong_ is that the _whole world_ is going to shit around us and all I can think about is _you_." He takes another deep breath and rises, pushing his chair back, causing it to topple over. "The world is literally going to end in less than a week, we don't even have _fucking seven more days_ , and all I can think about is _you_. All I can think about is your lips and your hands on my skin and your dick in my ass. _That's_ what's wrong."

He has started to pace back and forth on his side of the table, gesturing wildly with his hands. "I _long_ for you," he says and stops dead in his tracks, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I long for you and I don't even know you." Shaking his head almost surreptitiously, he carries on, a tone of utter disbelief in his voice. "It's like my body and my heart _ache_ for you, they ache _all the fucking time_ , and I don't—I don't understand. _At all._ And I don't—" He falls silent for a little while, biting his lips. "And I don't even _know_ you and there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing." He falls silent again and drops his gaze. 

Harvey slowly rises and starts to walk towards Mike with short, measured steps. "Mike," he says when he's almost face to face with the other man. "It's okay. I feel the same. I—" He reaches for Mike's chin but drops his hand again when Mike looks up.

Mike's eyes are narrowed to slits and he's clenching his jaws. "No, you don't," he hisses and Harvey automatically takes a step backwards. "You don't, and don't tell me you do." Mike takes a sharp breath through his nose and balls his hands into tight fists, his eyes never leaving Harvey's. "Don't tell me you feel the same when all I want to do is throw myself at your feet and beg for your attention. It's all I want to do – to throw myself down onto the floor, right here, to cling to your legs and beg for your attention and for your forgiveness. And I don't even know what for."

For some timeless seconds they simply stare into each others' eyes until Harvey slowly nods. "You have it," he whispers. "Mike, you _have_ my attention, you have _all_ of it. And I forgive you."

"No," Mike whispers hoarsely. "No." And when Harvey takes a step towards him and another one, closing the distance. "No." When Harvey's arms wrap around him he tenses and makes himself as stiff as possible. "No." And when Harvey's hands start stroking his back in slow, firm circles and when Harvey's voice starts whispering in his ear. "No."

"I do," Harvey whispers. "I forgive you. _Of course_ I do." 

"You can't," Mike groans and tries to break free from Harvey's embrace. "You don't even know what for."

Harvey doesn't let go and he pauses his caresses for a moment hold Mike as close as possible. "Doesn't matter," he murmurs against Mike's ear. "I forgive you."

When Mike shakes his head harshly Harvey tightens his hold on Mike a little again and hums softly. 

"You can't," Mike chokes and he digs his fingers into the muscles of Harvey's back _hard_. "Nobody can." He goes slack and heavy in Harvey's arms and sinks down onto the floor, pulling Harvey with him. " _Nobody_ can," he whispers and shakes his head again and again.

"Sssshhhhh," Harvey soothes, holding on tight. "I forgive you."

"You don't even know what for…" Mike presses his face against Harvey's shoulder and coughs. "You don’t even know."

"Then tell me." Harvey kisses Mike's temple and runs his thumb along the nape of Mike's neck. "Tell me. You can tell me."

"No." Once again, Mike tenses and tries to break away but Harvey is having none of that. He holds Mike until he stops struggling.

"Tell me," he coaxes again, giving Mike a small squeeze.

"I can't." Mike is sobbing into Harvey's shoulder by now, dry sobs and panting breath. "I can't…" His voice fades and he shakes his head once more.

"You can," Harvey says and kisses Mike's hair. "But you don't have to. I forgive you."

"How can you say that?" Mike gathers all his strength and pushes Harvey away, sending him backwards onto his mattress. "I killed my fucking _parents_ , that's what I did," he yells and glares at Harvey who is looking at him, completely motionless. "And how can you say that you forgive me? You can't, nobody can, I—" The tension leaves Mike's body again and he sags, his eyes dulling and his gaze dropping to the ground. When Harvey shifts and makes a move forward Mike tenses and raises his hand in defense. "Don't—Don't fucking _touch_ me."

"Mike," Harvey says and his voice trembles ever so slightly. "Let me hold you."

Mike just shakes his head and bites his lips.

"Please," Harvey murmurs and reaches for Mike's arm. "You don't feel right. Something's off. You're going into shock or something, I don't know, but—Please, let me hold you."

"I was driving the car," Mike whispers, not raising his head. "During the riots, it was during the riots, right after the government collapsed and before—and—" He swallows and starts to scrape the back of his hand with his nails. "We were on the run and I was driving and I lost control of the—" Balling his hands into fists again he presses his knuckles against his lips briefly. They leave white marks that fill with blood almost as soon as he takes his hands away again. "They died instantly and I—" He chuckles drily. "Not a scratch." He lifts his head again and locks eyes with Harvey. From the look on Harvey's face there's something wrong with the look in his eyes, Mike thinks. There must be something weird in his eyes because Harvey looks almost… gentle. He swallows and nods slowly. "I couldn't even—I had to run and—" He bites his lips again and turns his head aside, breaking eye contact. "I don't even know what happened to their bodies."

"Mike," Harvey simply says and gathers Mike into his arms, holding him close. "It's okay," he whispers after a while when he can feel how Mike relaxes a little. "It wasn't your fault. I forgive you." He kisses Mike's hair again and starts to rock back and forth a little. "I forgive you."

Mike nods against his shoulder and lets himself be held, only half-listening to Harvey's soothing words. He feels numb and as if he's floating. A little seasick. His stomach turns and he struggles free form Harvey's embrace, sweat beading on his upper lip. He wipes his hands and swallows.

"Do you need to throw up?" Harvey looks at him calmly and oh so gently and Mike doesn't understand why. He nods and covers his mouth with his hand, swallowing again and again against the rising bile in his throat. When he tries to get up to rush to the bathroom he doesn't even have enough strength to scramble to his feet so he slumps back down again, staring at Harvey with a distinct look of panic in his eyes, breathing rapidly through his nose.

"It's okay," Harvey says and Mike swallows again before he bends sideways and empties the meager contents of his stomach onto the wooden floor. 

Harvey strokes his back while he's still coughing and heaving and when Mike thinks he's done and his breathing has evened out at least a little, he struggles to his knees and then to his feet. "I need," he clears his throat and grimaces when he swallows. "I need to brush my teeth. And I need something to drink."

When he returns from the bathroom, Harvey has cleaned the floor and there's a glass of water waiting for him on the table. "I'm sorry," Mike murmurs, lingering on the doorstep.

"Uh-uh," Harvey shakes his head, rises and holds the glass of water out to Mike. "Let's lie down together for a little while," he says and holds his hand against the small of Mike's back as the other man drinks a few careful sips. "Come." He lies down first and opens his arms for Mike to slip into.

"Thank you," Mike whispers when Harvey's arms close around him and he snuggles back against Harvey's warm body. It takes him a couple of minutes to stop shaking but Harvey never lets go.

*****

For the next few hours Mike feels raw and on edge. He drinks far too much coffee, eats too little and is very reluctant to let go of Amber even for a couple of moments. Harvey finds him sitting in his chair, cradling the baby in his arms and watching her sleep, and Mike follows Harvey into the bathroom when Harvey takes her with him for a change of diapers.

They play Twenty Questions again with Amber sleeping in Mike's arms until Mike's head swims and 'Yes' and 'No' are the weirdest words he's ever heard. "Okay," he finally says when Harvey comes back from the kitchen with more coffee and a plate of sandwiches. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Harvey says after a brief pause, sets the sandwiches down and pours them both another coffee.

"What was your favorite book in High School?"

"Moby Dick," Harvey answers without blinking an eye. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Favorite meal."

"Lasagna. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How did you come by this bar?"

"Inherited it. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What's your middle name?"

Mike knows they're not playing anymore. They have stopped after the first question, if not earlier. He swallows around the lump in his throat and reaches for his mug with his free hand. "James." He takes a sip and stares at Harvey over the brim of the mug. "Truth or—"

"Truth."

"When is your birthday?"

Harvey's eyes narrow and he inhales sharply. "August. 17th. Tr—"

"Truth."

"Yours?"

"Couple of weeks ago, actually," Mike replies with a faint smile on his lips. "January, 22nd. Truth or dare?"

Harvey exhales shakily and brings his mugs to his lips. "Truth."

"How did your brother die?"

Harvey' empty mug almost breaks when he sets it down again forcefully a second before he rises from his chair quickly. He slams his palms onto the tabletop and bends forward, panting. "Suicide," he presses through his clenched jaws and Mike can see how the muscles in his arms tremble. "Truth or dare?" 

"Truth."

"What did you do?" Harvey's voice is not much more than a hoarse whisper and when he raises his head and looks up at Mike, a chill runs through Mike's bones and Amber stirs in his arms. "Up there in Alaska, I mean."

"Worked on the Kuparuk River oil field," Mike answers and adjusts Amber's position in his arms. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Harvey sits back down heavily and sighs. "Don't do that again."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Harvey doesn't flinch and he doesn't break eye contact but he hesitates the tiniest bit, just a fraction of a fraction of a second, and if Mike hadn't paid such close attention it might have escaped him altogether. "Yes." 

Mike nods and Harvey asks: "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Mike's answer is out of his mouth faster than the actual thought has had the chance to fully form in his brain and Harvey raises his eyebrows at his reply.

"Okay," Harvey ponders his options for a little while, then he nods and catches Mike's gaze again. "I dare you to look me in the eyes and say my name."

Mike blanches and his eyes go wide.

"You've said it only twice," Harvey explains with soft-spoken words. "Right after I just had introduced myself to you," he nods towards the door behind which lies the corridor to the bar, "and that other time," and he nods towards the shelf with the record player, "when you were holding that record in your hands."

Mike's head turns to the record player as well and his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment when Harvey continues.

"I want to hear you say it again."

Without turning back to face Harvey Mike bites his lips and shakes his head. "No," he whispers and pulls Amber closer against his body.

"You did say 'dare'."

"Please," Mike whispers. "I can't. Don't make me do this. I can't…"

"Mike," Harvey coaxes gently. His voice is still so very, very soft and it makes Mike's chest ache. "Look at me."

Slowly, Mike turns to face Harvey and when their eyes meet Mike makes a noise that shakes Harvey to his core. Just a small noise, not even a real groan, but there is so much pain and fear in that little sound that Harvey has to look away. 

"Listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about," Harvey says after a long silence and Mike tilts his head. "A couple of years ago my father bui—"

Suddenly, there's a sound behind Harvey in the kitchen. A door being smashed open and slammed against the wall.

Harvey is on his feet in the blink of an eye and in another blink he holds the gun in his hands and bursts through the kitchen door before Mike even fully realizes what is going on. Clutching Amber to his chest he jumps up from his chair and hurries after Harvey. He finds him pointing the gun at the chest of a kneeling man in a hoody. A knife is lying next to the Harvey's feet and Harvey is just releasing the gun's safety catch. 

"No," Mike yells and the guy looks up. He's about Mike's age and a long, angry red scar runs down his face from his temple to the corner of his mouth. His eyes are bloodshot and he grins. He's missing some of his teeth. "Don't."

Harvey doesn't move. He doesn't even turn his head when he replies. "He would have killed us."

"Don't," Mike repeats and takes a step towards Harvey. "Let him go."

"He's a killer, Mike," Harvey grits through his teeth and adjusts his aim. "He would have killed you."

"Please," Mike pleads and takes another step towards Harvey. "Don't shoot him. Please let him go." He watches how Harvey tenses even more for a short moment and then takes a step backwards. " _You're_ not a killer. Please."

Harvey sighs and a little of the tension leaves his body. "Get up," he orders the man in front of him. "Get up and run as fast as you can."

The burglar struggles to his knees and reaches for his knife but Harvey shakes his head. "I don't think so."

"He's dead without it," Mike says and Harvey shoots him the quickest of glances.

"We're all dead anyway," he mutters but after a moment's hesitation he kicks the knife towards the man still kneeling on the floor. "I said get up and run."

The man rises slowly and when Harvey lowers the gun he jumps forward and jams the knife into Harvey's upper body, knocking Harvey over with the force of his blow. He turns and runs, a mere shadow in the corner of Mike's eye as he rushes to Harvey's side and drops to his knees next to him, still clutching the now screaming baby to his chest. 

There's blood on the floor and Harvey doesn't move. The sound his head made when it hit the stone floor still echoes in Mike's ears as does the surprised huff that escaped Harvey's lips when the burglar drove the knife into his body. 

"Oh shit," Mike whispers staring down at Harvey's motionless body. He puts Amber down on the floor, a little out of reach, kneels down next to Harvey and for a moment he doesn't know what to do. "Shit, shit, _shit_ , oh _shit_ , oh _please_ …" With trembling fingers he searches for Harvey's pulse and when he finds that vein still throbbing against his fingertips at the side of Harvey's throat, he squeezes his eyes shut tightly. 

"Oh god," he moans and cups Harvey's cheek. "Oh, thank you…" 

The pool of blood on the floor is getting bigger and its coppery tang pierces Mike's hyperaware senses. He grabs Harvey's shoulders and shakes him lightly. "Please," he pleads and bows down to listen if Harvey is still breathing. "Harvey, _please_ …"

Harvey stirs a little under his hands and Mike shakes him again. "Harvey, _please_ wake up, _please _." Tears are streaming down Mike's face and he doesn't even notice. "Please, there's so much blood and I don't know what to do… Please stay with me, Harvey, I—"__

__Mike bites his lips and frantically tries to remove Harvey's shirt to get a look at the wound._ _

__"I said while looking into my eyes," a weak voice penetrates the panic raging inside of Mike and he freezes._ _

__"Harvey," Mike whispers and locks eyes with the other man. "Thank god…" He bends down and clutches Harvey to his chest, causing him to yell out in pain. "Oh god, sorry," he murmurs and lowers Harvey back onto the floor. "God, you're still bleeding…"_ _

__"It's just the shoulder," Harvey groans and tries to sit up but he doesn't make it even halfway. He sinks back onto his back with a surprised "Whoa" on his lips. "Shit," he says, panting. "That still hurts like fuck." He tries again to rise and looks at Mike with bloodshot eyes. "Help me up?"_ _

__Mike nods and scrambles to his feet, carefully making sure not to step on the baby. He holds his hand out and helps Harvey to stand, wrapping his arm around Harvey's waist to hold him upright when he staggers. "Dizzy?," he asks and turns Harvey around so they're face to face._ _

__Harvey nods and rests his forehead against Mike's shoulder. "And my head hurts."_ _

__They stand like that for some seconds, Harvey trying to stabilize himself and Mike just letting him hold onto him for support. When Harvey finally raises his head, Mike takes his hands from Harvey's waist._ _

__"You hit it pretty hard on the floor. You probably have a concussion," Mike says and searches Harvey's face. "Can you walk?"_ _

__Taking a deep breath, Harvey lets go and nods. "Yeah."_ _

__"Then let's go somewhere you can sit down. I need to take a look at that wound."_ _

__Harvey nods again and walks towards the living room door slowly, one careful step after the other. He holds onto the door frame for support when Mike picks up Amber from the floor. She has stopped crying around the time Harvey rose from the floor and she's sucking her thumb quietly._ _

__Mike watches Harvey curl in on himself, his hand gripping the doorframe tightly, and flinches at the groan that follows._ _

__"Shit," Harvey hisses and presses his free hand against his stomach. "Excuse me." He stumbles into the bathroom and slams the door shut behind himself._ _

__Through the door Mike can hear retching sounds and more pained groaning. A minute or so after the retching has stopped but Harvey hasn't come back, Mike carefully opens the bathroom door and peeks inside._ _

__Harvey is sitting on the floor, his back against the bathtub and he's breathing heavily. He's as pale as the wall and there are dark circles under his eyes. "No blood," he pants, nodding towards the toilet, and winces._ _

__"Thank god," Mike whispers and crouches down beside Harvey. He brushes Harvey's sweaty hair from his forehead and places a soft kiss on the crown of his head before he rises again. "Bandages?," he asks and Harvey gestures in the direction of one of the closets. Mike takes two fresh towels from one of the stacks, lets warm water pour over it and wrings it over the sink. He retrieves a couple of bandages and returns to where Harvey is sitting._ _

__Harvey has taken off his shirt by the time Mike is back and he's tilting his head to look at the wound. "Just the shoulder," he says and nods. "And not too deep."_ _

__"Deep enough," Mike mutters and brings the wet towel to Harvey's shoulder with shaking hands. He carefully cleans the wound, wincing every time Harvey hisses or clenches his jaws. "Sorry," he whispers and takes a clean bandage from its package. "It's still bleeding. Here, take this and press this to the wound, see if it stops, if the bleeding stops. I hope we don't have to suture it." He bites his lips when Harvey hisses again but steps back when he begins to climb to his feet._ _

__"It will stop," Harvey says and slowly walks towards the door._ _

__Throwing the bloody towel into the tub Mike follows him and helps him sit down on his chair. He fetches a blanket from one of the mattresses and wraps it around Harvey's shoulder, then he kneels down in front of Harvey and looks up at him. "Harvey," he says and when Harvey smiles he buries his face in Harvey's lap. A moment later he feels Harvey's hand on his head and after another second or so Harvey begins to comb through his hair with his fingers. Harvey's fingers are cold and they're shaking but they warm with time._ _

__"He'll be back," Mike murmurs and leans into Harvey's touch. He can feel Harvey nodding and the gentle caress stops for a moment._ _

__"I know. And he won't be alone this time."_ _

__"What are we going to do," Mike asks and lifts his head to look at Harvey._ _

__Letting his hand drop into his lap, Harvey shifts. "We can't stay here."_ _

__"Shit," Mike hisses, dropping his head into Harvey's lap once more before he rises to his feet again. "Where—"_ _

__"There's a hide-out," Harvey says and pulls the blanket around himself tighter with one hand, his other one still pressing the bandage against the wound. "In the woods, a couple of hours from here by car. Further north." He raises his head and locks eyes with Mike. "Nobody knows about it. My father started building it some years ago and it's in the other direction. Never believed it would be of any use when—" He clears his throat and averts his eyes. "Helped him build it, though. I was going to suggest to you we'd go there anyway earlier, right before—" He gestures towards the kitchen with his chin. "I think there's enough gas left in the basement. We could load up the pick-up and give it a try."_ _

__Mike hums noncommittally and carefully pushes the blanket off of Harvey's shoulders. "Let's have a look at that."_ _

__Harvey slowly takes the blood-soaked bandage away from the wound and even though it's red and swollen and there's drying or dried blood everywhere the bleeding has finally stopped._ _

__"Thank god," Mike mutters and takes the bloody bandage from Harvey's hand. He tosses it into the bin in the bathroom and rests his hands on the sink for a moment, leaning onto it, his head hanging between his shoulders. "Thank god…"_ _

__He returns to Harvey a minute later with fresh bandages and another wet towel. He gently wipes away the drying blood and looks at Harvey questioningly. "Do we have any iodine?"_ _

__Bending his head to look at his shoulder, Harvey shakes his head. "There was none left at the store," he says and touches the skin around the edges of the wound carefully. His eyes follow Mike as he disappears into the kitchen and returns a moment later with a bottle of scotch and a clean dish towel. "No, not the—" Harvey protests weakly, frowning disapprovingly, but Mike just shushes him and sets to work. He pours some scotch onto the towel and dabs it at Harvey's wound gently, causing Harvey to hiss in pain. "I'm sorry," Mike mutters and does it again and Harvey nods._ _

__"Give me that," he says and reaches for the bottle. He takes a long swig from it and then another, shorter one before he sets it down onto the table._ _

__"I can't give you any Ibuprofen just yet," Mike says when he is finished dressing Harvey's wound and steps back a little to assess his work. "It's the only thing we have but the bleeding would start again and you shouldn’t—I mean, alcohol—"_ _

__"I know," Harvey interrupts and picks the bottle up for another swig. "I'll be fine."_ _

__He rises and walks over to his mattress. "I might need a little time though, before we can leave." He lowers himself down and casts an apologetic look at Mike. "And I'm afraid I won't be much of a help loading the truck."_ _

__Mike hesitates for a brief a moment but then he walks over to the mattress and lies down next to Harvey. He gently cradles Harvey against his chest and kisses his hair. When Harvey starts to shiver in his arms, Mike pulls the covers up over them and scoots a little closer. Harvey's eyes are squeezed shut and he's breathing raggedly._ _

__"I was a magician," Mike murmurs into Harvey's hair and Harvey's breathing hitches. "Before they drafted me for the oil fields. I was a magician." For a brief moment Harvey tilts his head to look at Mike and Mike nods. "Sawing women in half and all." He tucks Harvey's head under his chin and continues. "I had my own travelling show. I could pull white rabbits and bouquets of flowers out of a top hat, get my iron shackles off under water and I could walk through walls and mirrors. Card tricks, card tricks where my specialty and I could make all kinds of things disappear."_ _

__"What did you wear," Harvey asks and yawns. “When you were on stage?”_ _

__"Oh, a tuxedo," Mike replies with a slight chuckle in his voice and kisses Harvey once more. "Always a tuxedo. With a black bowtie and patent leather shoes."_ _

__Harvey chuckles, too, and his voice sounds a little slurred when he speaks next. "I bet you looked cute."_ _

__"I looked _dashing_!"_ _

__Mike's mock-offense makes Harvey chuckle once more. He adjusts his weight, rests his hand on Mike's chest and intertwines his fingers with Mike's when Mike's hand covers his._ _

__"I remember that one performance in Boston when…" Mike keeps talking softly until Harvey falls asleep and he lets him sleep for a full two hours before he gently shakes him awake._ _

__They make a list with everything they want to take with them and Mike loads everything onto the cargo area of the pick-up and covers it with the hard-wearing tarpaulin he finds in the garage while Harvey feeds and changes Amber. When Mike has secured the tarpaulin and Harvey is finished packing Amber's bag, Mike carries the cardboard bed to the truck and stores it under the front seats. Harvey follows with Amber in her car seat in one hand and the raggedy teddy bear in the other. He climbs into the front seat and places the teddy next to Amber when Mike hands him the seat again._ _

__"His name is Oscar," Harvey says and caresses Amber's cheek with his index finger. "The teddy bear," he clarifies when Mike looks at him questioningly. "His name is Oscar."_ _

__Mike nods and walks around the front of the car to the driver's seat. He climbs in and is about to turn the keys when he freezes. "We forgot your father's saxophone." He jumps out of the car, hurries into the house and comes back one or two minutes later with the instrument case and three records in his hands. He stashes them away under the front seat and climbs back into the car. It takes him three tries to start the engine and they slowly roll off the backyard and along the drive-way._ _

__"To the left," Harvey says when they reach the road and Mike turns left._ _

__"You said," he says and casts a sideway glance at Harvey. "That you never believed in the hide-out." The car stutters when Mike shifts the gears and Harvey emits a short hiss of pain. "Sorry," Mike says and worries his lip. "Why were you about to suggest to me that we go there even before—"_ _

__"Two days ago," Harvey murmurs and pulls the zipper of his parka up higher, "I was planning on eating those pork chops on Sunday and after that on sticking that gun into my mouth." He doesn't look at Mike, he just stares out of the front window into the darkness. "I would never have left, never even have thought of leaving. I believed there was no point. I argued with my father about that for years, he thought—" Harvey swallows thickly and Mike can see that his jaws clench tightly. "I never believed that there was any point to the whole thing. I was convinced that this would be the end, that there would be no Monday, that this really was _it_ , really the end. False hope," he continues after a short pause. "That's what the hide-out always was to me. False hope. I thought my father was a fool for—" Harvey leans forward and concentrates on the road ahead. "Turn left into the forest in about a hundred yards, there's a small dirt road, be careful not to miss it."_ _

__"And why now?" Mike turns left and what little light the moon and stars had been shedding on them is gone. It's pitch black around them and Mike can only drive at walking pace._ _

__"In case the hope isn't false after all," Harvey murmurs and his voice sounds rather husky. "In case it isn't false hope I'd like to be around." He casts a brief glance at Mike before he directs his eyes back to the road again. "I think you can turn on the lights now, we should be far enough from the road."_ _

__"Fool," Mike whispers softly and turns the switch._ _

__They drive through the woods for a while and the further they drive the quieter Harvey gets. Mike keeps casting sideway glances at the man in the seat next to him and he can see a thin layer of sweat covering Harvey's forehead, his temples and his upper lip. The way he clenches his jaws tells Mike he's in severe pain and Mike's thoughts run in circles as to what he might do to help him._ _

__When they hit another bump in the road, Harvey hisses and squeezes his eyes shut. Mike mumbles an apology but Harvey just shakes his head quickly at Mike's words._ _

__"Stop," he presses through his teeth. "Stop the car."_ _

__Mike does as he's told and as soon as the car comes to a standstill Amber's seat is in his lap and Harvey has torn his door open and jumped out of the car. Mike watches him bend forward, holding on to the car with one hand, and vomit again, groaning in pain when his body is shaken by the heaving. "Shit," he murmurs and contemplates getting out but Harvey is already throwing away a tissue he's just spat into and climbs back into the car._ _

__"Okay," he says and nods. He reaches for Amber's seat but Mike stops him, placing a gentle hand on his lower arm. Harvey doesn't flinch when Mike touches his forehead with his palm, he just closes his eyes and takes a deep breath._ _

__"You're running a fever," Mike states and brushes Harvey's sweaty hair out if his face. "You have—"_ _

__"I know," Harvey sighs and opens his eyes again. "There's nothing we can do about it right now. Let's go."_ _

__"Okay," Mike agrees and they start driving again._ _

__They reach the hide-out about two hours later and it takes Mike only one stern reprimand to stop Harvey from trying to help him unload the truck. Once they're inside, Harvey almost immediately lies down on one of the mattresses and closes his eyes._ _

__"Wake me up in half an hour," he says, slurring his words._ _

__The hide-out is a hole in a ground or rather a cavern excavated from the forest's earthy ground. The walls are lined with wooden panels and so are the floor and the ceiling. There are, again, two mattresses, a huge cupboard and a table with four chairs. From what Mike can see there is an area that resembles a combined kitchen and bathroom and some venting system he doesn't quite understand and when he opens the one other door he finds a cavern at least three times as huge filled with an incredibly large water tank and plenty of storage shelves. Some of them are already filled, with towels, clothes, batteries, cans, but others are still empty._ _

__Mike fills them with the supplies they've brought with them. Unloading the truck and storing everything away takes him a little over the better part of an hour and when he's done he feeds and changes Amber and lies her down in her cardboard bed. Then he wakes Harvey._ _

__He sits down next to the other man and gently shakes him awake. "Hey," he whispers when Harvey slowly opens his eyes. "I'm done with the truck, I'm going outside for a smoke," he says and begins to rise._ _

__"Wait," Harvey grabs his hand and pulls the covers aside. "I'm coming with you."_ _

__They struggle to their feet and Mike supports Harvey as they climb up the stairs. When they're outside, Mike lights a cigarette and hands it to Harvey before lighting another one for himself._ _

__"How did your father even manage to make all this?"_ _

__"Started early," Harvey inhales deeply and keeps the smoke inside for a little while before he lets it stream from his nose. "He built this for years, he—" He takes another drag from his cigarette and looks away. "He was very good with his hands."_ _

__Mike just looks at him and nods._ _

__"I helped him," Harvey continues after a short pause. "Didn't want him to be all on his own out here all that time, especially not after Marcus had died." He clears his throat and draws on his cigarette again. "I want to tell you what happened to him, to Marcus, I mean, but I don't know how."_ _

__"It doesn't matter how." Mike lets the butt of his cigarette fall to the ground and extinguishes hit with his foot. Tilting his head, he takes another one from the packet and lights it, his eyes never leaving Harvey's face. "But you can. You can tell me."_ _

__"He was a musician," Harvey breaks the silence after a minute or so and his voice is so low that Mike can barely hear him. "Like Dad, only he played the cello." Sniffling once, Harvey kicks at a small stone. He drops his cigarette, extinguishes it and shoves his hands into the pockets of his parka, hissing in pain when the movement reaches his shoulder. "He was married," he continues. "To Sunny. Nice woman, I liked her a lot. She—" He raises his eyes again and Mike hands him the half-empty pack of cigarettes. "They had a baby," he goes on, talking around a new cigarette between his lips while trying to light it. "A little boy, Tommy. And—"_ _

__When Harvey doesn't speak again for the longest time, Mike takes a step towards him and places his hand on his good shoulder. That's all he does and he can feel Harvey tremble under his touch._ _

__"Marcus couldn't—When all the orchestras were shut down and he and Sunny were drafted to work in the mines, they—" Swallowing repeatedly, Harvey closes his eyes. When he opens them again, they're the dullest Mike has ever seen them. Harvey takes a deep breath and continues. "They actually flipped coins to decide who would do it. He shot his wife first and then shot himself. They just couldn't take it anymore. But he simply couldn't shoot the baby so he left him behind. He left a letter, too, apologizing and explaining, but I never understood why he—Tommy died only a year later. Pneumonia. I—That's why I know stuff. About kids, I mean. My brother left Tommy behind and I—I took care of him for a little while." Harvey finishes his tale without stopping again this time and when he's done he turns on his heel and climbs down the stairs again._ _

__Mike waits about ten minutes before he follows Harvey below the earth. He finds the other man with his back to him in the kitchen area, cutting slices of bread from a big round loaf. Every time he moves the knife back and forth Harvey winces. "I am sorry for asking you to let the burglar go," Mike says and Harvey stops in his movements for a little while before he continues to cut the bread._ _

__"Why did you do it?" Harvey's voice sounds strangely blunt in the wooden cavern. The wood and the earth swallow all reverberant sound and all that is left are short, quiet words._ _

__"He reminded me of my best friend and I know that Trevor is—That he lives rough. Or _lived_ rough. I don't even know if—" Mike drops down onto one of the chairs and reaches for the bottle of scotch and one of the glasses that Harvey must have placed in the middle of the table while Mike was still outside. "I once saw how he shot someone when—" He pours himself a drink and looks up. Harvey still hasn't turned around but the knife lies next to the bread and Harvey's hands are resting on the countertop. "You are not a killer, Harvey."_ _

__"You don't know that," Harvey says and finally turns around to face Mike. His eyes are as dull as his voice when they lock with Mike's. "I could be."_ _

__"No."_ _

__With each second that passes, Harvey's gaze weighs heavier. Mike watches him worry his lip between his teeth before he finally, finally lowers his eyes, only to stare at his fingers as he begins to pry at a patch of skin next to the nail of his thumb._ _

__"I'm not hungry," Harvey says and his shoulders sag even more. Amber stirs in her bed and for a moment Mike thinks she might wake up but tonight's long drive seems to be taking its toll on her._ _

__After a long pause Mike rises from his chairs and undoes the laces of his boots. Harvey looks like shit and he just wishes that the other man would eat something but he isn't hungry either, so he simply takes a deep, tired breath when Harvey puts the slices of bread away into a plastic bag. He takes his shoes off and lies down on one of the mattresses. "It's almost dawn already," he says and Harvey nods. "It's okay, don't worry. We can eat later. Let's just lie down for a little while. Come here."_ _

__

__~ End of Day Minus Five ~_ _


	5. Day Minus Four

Harvey falls asleep almost immediately but Mike's thoughts keep running in circles. The proximity of the other body next to him is strangely arousing. Even though Mike is dead tired and even though he knows that Harvey needs that little bit of sleep, he can feel himself harden and arousal spreads through his body from his fingertips to his toes. For almost half an hour Mike manages to keep from touching himself, but it becomes more difficult with every minute that passes, with every little bit in the increase of heat that radiates from Harvey – even though he knows that's probably more than Harvey's normal body temperature. He rolls onto his side and balls his hands into tight fist, breathing shallowly and achingly hard in his pants. The maddening pulse of throbbing want that starts at the base of his cock and surges through his muscles in raising waves nearly drives him out of his mind.

Finally, he surrenders to the pull and fumbles open the button and zipper of his jeans. He pushes them down a little and shimmies a bit until he has freed his cock and the jeans and boxers pool around his knees. His cock is straining against his stomach and he can feel another drop of pre-come oozing from its trembling tip. "Oh god," he mouths silently when Harvey shifts in his sleep and another wave of heat hits his body from behind.

He spits into his palm and wraps his hand around his aching erection. He needs to come, he needs to come so bad it hurts, and there's nothing else he can think about so he starts to fist himself firmly, trying to draw it out just a little, to savor the pain of want. The pre-come seeping from his slit makes his cock slippery and his fingers moving up and down his throbbing shaft feel so, so good. Almost as good as Harvey's fingers and the thought of that forces a low moan from Mike's throat which he tries to bite back immediately but fails at first. His whole body trembles with the effort to keep as motionless as possible. Harvey needs his sleep but Mike needs to come and the self-imposed confinement of his movements turns Mike on even more.

"Fuck," he hisses under his breath and he can feel himself blushing. Harvey is sick and he needs his sleep and all Mike can think about is coming all over him and the sensation of Harvey emptying himself in the innermost depth of Mike's quivering body. His cock twitches and he knows that this isn't going to take much longer. He thinks of Harvey moving inside of him, of their dry and bruised lips against each other and of Harvey's fingertips brushing over his nipples. The urgency of Harvey's hoarse moans echoes in his mind and Mike's breathing accelerates even more. 

Behind Mike Harvey shifts again and Mike has to take his hand off of his dick for a moment and to take a long, shaky breath. When he touches himself again he can't help but moan quietly and his breathing turns into a series of panting, staccato moans as his hand begins to move again. 

Harvey must have rolled onto his side, onto his good shoulder, because suddenly there is hot breath against the nape of Mike's neck and a spit-slicked finger running along his crack. "Oh god," he moans and with an erratic jerk of his hips he fucks into his fist _hard_. 

"Yeah—" Harvey's voice is nothing but a breathy whisper against Mike's sweaty hairline and when Harvey's fingertip brushes over Mike's hole, Mike's breathing hitches and his hips jerk again. Harvey presses his fingertip against Mike's entrance and circles it around the edges for a couple of seconds, making Mike whimper and speed up the movements of his hand around his dick.

When Harvey withdraws his finger and brings it back a moment later, slicked up with saliva again, Mike presses the knuckles of his free hand against his mouth and bites down hard. He's moments from coming and he needs to, he just _needs_ —

And then Harvey enters him with one finger, pushes in deep and mouths silent words against the nape of Mike's neck and Mike is done. He almost passes out when his climax overtakes him, pulsing in white hot strands over his fingers, clenching around Harvey's finger and twitching in his own hand. His orgasm seems to go on forever and all the time Harvey fingers and kisses him, touches him inside and out.

Harvey stays inside Mike like that until Mike's sobbing moans subside and until his breathing has evened out a little. "God, Mike," he murmurs against Mike's neck as he withdraws his finger from Mike's ass and gently rubs over his entrance with his thumb. "You are amazing…"

Mike shivers and wipes his hand clean against the sheets. He sniffles and kicks off his boxers and his trousers before he turns around to face Harvey. For over a minute he lets his eyes wander over Harvey's face, traces the arches of his lips, the lines that frame the corners of his mouth, the slopes of his cheeks, his eyebrows and his fine, feathery crow's feet before he catches Harvey's tired eyes. 

"It's not that I don't want to," Harvey whispers and averts his gaze after only a couple of seconds. "It's just—The wound still hurts a bit and—" He falls silent and slowly runs his fingertips over Mike's flushed cheek.

Cupping Harvey's jaw, Mike places a soft kiss on his lips and nods. "I'll make us something to eat."

Harvey stops him from rising by wrapping his arm around his waist and pulling him close. He buries his nose in Mike's hair and inhales deeply. "In a minute." 

Mike relaxes against Harvey's body and pulls the covers up further. For the first time since they've left the bar, he feels warm. All he wants to do is close his eyes and stay like this forever but after a couple of precious moments he slips out from underneath the covers and puts his clothes back on. From the corners of his eyes Mike watches Harvey struggle to his feet and making some careful movements with his arms before he heads for the stairs.

"I need to—" Harvey nods towards the entrance. "The toilet's behind the knoll by the way." He quickly puts on his parka hand heads up the stairs.

Mike's legs still feel a little weak and his fingertips tingle so he rubs his hands together a couple of times before he turns on the faucet and quickly washes his hands. He can hear the distinct gurgling sound from the water tank in the room next door which covers the low constant hum of the generator as long as the water is running. Far too soon for his liking he turns the water off again. The tank is big, really big but—He startles when the door falls shut behind Harvey and the other man walks down the stairs, opening his parka.

"I'm glad your dad built this," Mike says and takes the slices of bread Harvey has cut from the loaf earlier from the plastic bag. "And I'm glad you helped him."

"Yeah, me too," Harvey says, hangs his jacket over the back of one of the chairs and picks up Amber who is just beginning to wake up. "Hey, young lady," he says and holds her away from his body with outstretched arms. He just holds her like this for a moment, looking at her and pulling faces, and when she makes a chortling sound and smiles at him in return, his face lights up with a broad smile as well.

Mike's chest tightens. He turns towards the cupboard again and takes out a carton of oleo and a large piece of cheese. He hears Harvey wince in pain and for a moment the image of Harvey throwing the little girl up in the air and catching her again, both of them laughing in the bright summer sun, flashes before his inner eye and he bites his lips. He swallows thickly against the lump of longing that threatens to constrict his throat. 

The oleo is smooth under the knife Mike uses to spread it over the slices of bread and Mike inhales deeply, drinking in the rich smell. His hands shake ever so slightly as he cuts thin slices of cheese from the piece and places them onto the bread carefully, arranging them until all of the bread is covered.

"This is stupid," he murmurs under his breath and cuts off two more slices of cheese for each of the four pieces of bread. 

Harvey has already changed Amber when Mike is finished fixing their food. They walk past each other, their arms softly brushing, Mike towards the table and Harvey to the kitchen where he fixes Amber's bottle, carrying the baby on his arm the whole time.

Mike watches them, watches Harvey go through those simple motions, rocking the baby on his arm and nuzzling the tiny, rosy cheek with his nose every now and then, and his throat constricts again. He turns his head away and stares at the sandwiches. He knows he should eat something but he isn't sure he can, even though the yellow, rich cheese makes his mouth water. He will try for Harvey's sake, though.

When the bottle is ready, Harvey carries Amber over to the table and sits her in his lap after he's sat down. The bottle needs to cool down and Amber looks at the sandwiches curiously. 

"She'll never get to eat solids," Mike murmurs and his eyes move from the little girl in Harvey's lap to the plate with the sandwiches in the middle of the table.

"Well," Harvey says and straightens his back. "We'll see about that." Grinning at Mike he reaches for the sandwiches and breaks off a tiny piece of cheese. He balances it on the tip of his finger and brings his hand to Amber's face. Gently, oh so gently, his finger teases Amber's lips until she opens her mouth and Harvey can place the cheese on her tongue. 

Amber looks at him with wide eyes and only very slowly closes her mouth. Her face shows utter concentration as she moves the cheese around with her tongue and her tiny brows furrow a little. 

Her expression makes Mike laugh and Harvey grins at him again. "I think she's not convinced yet," he smiles and Mike tilts his head.

"She likes it," he contemplates and Amber chooses that exact moment to smack her lips and break into a toothless smile around the dissolving piece of cheese. She raises her arms a little and looks at Harvey expectantly. 

"Sorry," Harvey laughs and picks up the bottle. "You can't have any more of that but _this_ is ready for you now, I think."

Harvey feeds Amber her bottle and he and Mike eat the sandwiches. They manage to eat all of them and when they're finished Mike pours them another glass of water and fetches a small cardboard package from his duffle bag. He takes two Ibuprofen out of one of the blisters and hands them to Harvey. "You can have them now," he says and Harvey nods.

He swallows them quickly and closes his eyes. 

"Do you think it's safe to take her for a little walk, go outside for a bit?" Mike asks and Harvey opens his eyes again. "I'd like her to get some fresh air."

"Yeah," Harvey says and a small smile still lingers on his face. "That's a good idea. I think she'd like that. And we could use some air, too.

In the end, Mike gets anxious about an hour into their hike and he asks Harvey to take him back to the hide-out. Amber is tied to his chest with a long, wide scarf and he can see that the strain of the walk is taking its toll on Harvey. His face is pale, ashen, and there are dark shadows under his eyes.

Every sound in the woods startles Mike and he more than once almost loses his footing on the soft forest ground. When they return to the hide-out, the sun is already high in the sky and it is not quite so cold anymore. Mike carries two chairs outside and fetches two glasses and a bottle of water from the storage room. 

While Amber sleeps they share a couple of cigarettes and Mike gives Harvey another pill. They play Twenty Questions until Amber wakes up and it's time to feed and change her and after that Mike brings out the playing cards again and they play 500 as the minutes creep by.

When Mike comes back from the toilet an hour or so later, he finds Harvey asleep at the table inside of the cavern, his upper body bent forward and his head resting on his folded arms. It pains Mike to shake him awake but he knows that when he lets Harvey sleep like that it will do hell on Harvey's shoulder. So he approaches him and carefully rests his hand on Harvey's arm.

"Harvey, hey," he says quietly and Harvey stirs. 

"What?" He looks utterly confused.

"You fell asleep," Mike runs his hand through Harvey's hair and lets his palm linger on his forehead briefly. "Come on, let's lie down for a little while."

"I want to get out of these clothes," Harvey yawns and tries to take off his pullover but stops mid-movement when a sharp pain shoots through his shoulder.

"Wait." Mike is behind Harvey's chair in an instant and rests his hands on his shoulders. "Let me help."

Together, they undress Harvey down to his t-shirt and his boxers and once he's lying down on the mattress, Mike takes off his clothes as well until he's clad in nothing but his underwear. He slips under the covers and snuggles up against Harvey's warm body. With a heavy sigh on his lips he rests his palm on Harvey's chest. Harvey's heart is beating fast and a little too erratically for Mike's liking. "Hmmm," he hums and begins to stroke Harvey lightly. 

Harvey lets him for a while, breathing deep and evenly, before he turns his head and touches his lips to Mike's. It's a ghost of a kiss and Mike closes his eyes. Harvey's tongue darts out and runs over Mike's lower lip in a slow, gentle caress, drawing a quiet moan from Mike's lips. 

"You taste so good," Harvey murmurs and proceeds to Mike's upper lip, caressing it lightly with the tip of his tongue until Mike's lips open ever so slightly and Mike's tongue peeks out as well. The moment their tongues touch, a shiver runs through both their bodies and Harvey pulls Mike closer against him. 

"Harvey," Mike whispers and tries to pull away but Harvey is having none of that.

"I want you," he breathes against Mike's pliant lips. "I want to fuck you so bad." He pulls in for a wet, open-mouthed kiss and thrusts his groin against Mike's leg. "I want you so much…"

"I—" Mike breaks the kiss and runs his palm over Harvey's forehead. "I don't know if that's a good idea," he says, frowning. "You're still feverish and your shoulder—"

"I don't care," Harvey interrupts and draws Mike closer again for another passionate kiss. "I want you." With a low moan pouring from his lips he pulls Mike on top of him and arches his hips.

When Mike feels the growing hardness in Harvey's groin he can't help but hiss with pleasure and anticipation. He can't keep his own dick from twitching and hardening in response and he pushes his groin against Harvey's, seeking more contact. "Okay," he moans and rocks against Harvey again, feeling them both hardening further. "Okay…" He bites his lips and sits up, straddling Harvey's legs. Quickly he takes off his shirt and shimmies out of his underpants. 

Harvey is struggling with his own t-shirt and Mike helps him take it off before he sits aside and pulls off Harvey's boxers. Reaching for the jar of Vaseline that one of them must have placed conveniently close to the mattress earlier, he sighs. "I don't understand why I want you so much," he murmurs, eyes downcast, as he coats his fingers with the gel. "All the fucking time…"

"Oh god, me too. Me too." Harvey reaches for his straining cock and begins to stroke himself slowly but after only a few strokes he stops again and reaches for Mike's hips. "Come here," he rasps, licking his lips. "Sit on my legs."

Mike maneuvers himself astride Harvey's thighs and reaches behind himself with his Vaseline-coated fingers. He runs one finger along his crack and when he brushes over his entrance his hips jerk forward of their own accord.

Harvey reaches for his cock again and spreads a drop of pre-come over the tip. "Fuck, Mike," he hisses and closes his fist around himself. "You look—"

Mike's lips are already swollen from all the lip-biting and when he breaches his own body with one finger, he digs his teeth into his lower lip again. He arches his back and pushes in further. His cock twitches against his stomach and a crystal-clear drop of pre-come oozes from its tip.

If Mike had to describe the look on Harvey's face right now all he would be able to come up with would be 'mesmerized'. Or maybe even 'in awe'. Harvey stares at Mike's cock and pries his hand away from his own erection ever so slowly, reaching over and gathering that drop of pre-come onto his fingers. Now it is his turn to bite his lips as he rubs the tips of his fingers together, spreading the clear fluid between them. 

"Mike," he moans and closes his hand around Mike's cock, squeezing it gently. "God I want you so much…"

Mike's moan echoes Harvey and he inserts another finger into his hole and begins to scissor them, spreading himself open, loosening himself up, getting himself ready. 

"I could come just from watching you," Harvey breathes and gives Mike's cock a firm stroke. "Just from watching how you fuck yourself on your fingers…"

"No, no, no," Mike murmurs and closes his left hand around Harvey's throbbing dick. "I want you in me when you—" A sharp hiss falls from his lips when Harvey brushes his thumb over his slit and spread more pre-come over the crown of his cock. "When you come," he continues, moaning as he pushes three fingers into his body. "I want to feel you inside of me when you come…"

"Then hurry." Harvey keeps stroking him and for a moment Mike thinks he might come from just this, too. For a moment he thinks he is going to and that's when he withdraws his fingers from his hole and reaches for Harvey's wrist to still his hand.

"Stop," he pants and wipes his fingers against the sheets before he coats them again with Vaseline. "Or I'm going to—"

"Shit," Harvey hisses and bucks into Mike's touch. "Come on, hurry… Let me—"

The moment Mike's hand wraps around Harvey's dick to slick him up, Harvey tenses and holds his breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, stop, fuck—" he presses through his teeth and Mike takes his hand off again, giving Harvey a few moments to calm down. Harvey takes a couple of deep, shaky breaths, eyes closed and hands clenched into tight fists. Suddenly, a shiver runs through his body and he shakes his head biting his lips. "Fuck, fuck, oh fuck…I'm—" 

Mike watches how Harvey bites his lips even harder and how the muscles in his jaws and his throat twitch.

After a couple of timeless seconds Harvey takes another long shaky breath and his body relaxes a little. "Okay," he pants and shifts a little under Mike. He inhales deeply once more and when he lets the air stream out through his nose again, he opens his eyes and nods. "Okay."

"Do you have any idea—" Mike's voice is hoarse and raw as he positions himself and takes Harvey's dick in his hand, guiding it to his entrance. "Do you have any idea how fucking hot this is? How insanely hot you are?" The tip of Harvey's cock nudges at his entrance and he can feel how slippery it is with pre-come. Harvey must have been so close just a few seconds ago, so fucking close… Mike slowly lowers himself a bit, Harvey's cock breaching his body, and when they lock eyes, Mike's stomach clenches into a tight, fiery ball. 

Harvey's eyes are bottomless pools of want and Mike is drowning in them. He has forgotten how to swim, he has forgotten how to breathe. Arousal surges through his body and he feels light-headed, dizzy. His fingertips tingle as he slowly lowers himself further, taking Harvey in inch by inch until he's fully sheathed inside of Mike's body.

"Don't move," Harvey whispers, his fingers digging into Mike's hips. "God—"

Mike just nods and tries to keep as still as possible, trying to keep his muscles from clenching around Harvey whom he can feel pulsing and twitching inside of him. "I'll try," he moans and grips his own thighs _hard_ , trying to keep his hands from reaching for his cock. "Fuck—"

And then Harvey raises his hips just the slightest bit and Mike feels as if he is falling from a plane in the skies. A bolt of electricity surges through his veins and makes his head spin. "God," he pants and closes his eyes. "Oh my god…" He shifts his hips just a fraction and draws a low, throaty moan from Harvey's lips. He tries to swallow but the muscles in his mouth and throat refuse to work and his brain short-circuits when Harvey moves again underneath and inside of him. His muscles clench involuntarily and when Harvey rises beneath him, when he sits up and pulls him flush against his chest, Mike wraps his legs around Harvey's body. He buries his face against Harvey's shoulder, letting his tongue touch Harvey's sweaty skin.

"Mike," Harvey breathes and flexes his hips, tightening his hold on Mike. 

All Mike can do is breathe and feel. Harvey deep inside of him and wrapped around him, holding him so very close. Harvey's chest hair against Mike's own chest, the stubble of his three-day beard burning against the sensitive skin of his throat. The vibrations of Harvey's moans all over his skin and in every fiber of his body. Harvey's hitching breath down his back. Harvey's pulse in his ass.

"Everywhere," he whispers without knowing it. "You are _everywhere_ —"

Harvey's nails dig into Mike's back and Harvey comes. Mike can feel it not only inside of his body, not only in his very center. He feels it at the roots of his hair, under his nails and at the back of his throat. He feels it in his chest and running down his spine, again and again, an endless cascading avalanche dragging him down with it over and over. There's one point when Mike can't take it anymore, when everything stops before rushing inward with infinite speed. _Just like the earth_ , Mike thinks, _just like the universe, just like everything_ —And his body joins Harvey's in climax and it feels as if his heart stops, as if everything stops and suddenly there is sticky heat between their bodies and Mike is still coming and Harvey doesn't let go, he holds on to him and doesn't let go even when his own orgasm ebbs he doesn't let go, he holds on to Mike, murmurs into Mike's ear, unintelligible words, a stream of noise that fills Mike to his brim and then makes him overflow. His name is the first thing Mike recognizes, the first thing that stands out from that flood of sound and it finds its echo in another word—

"Harvey—"

Panted breathing against heated, reddened skin, hearts beating against each other, coaxing each other into a slower pace, slowly, endlessly, and their mouths open against each others' bodies the whole time.

Harvey holds Mike close even when his softening cock slips from Mike's body, even when Mike can feel Harvey's come dripping from his hole and that sensation draws a whimpering sound from Mike's lips. Harvey's lips ghost along Mike's throat while Mike quietly sobs against Harvey's shoulder and his breathing hitches when his muscles clench around the emptiness Harvey has left behind.

The soft, shushing sounds Harvey makes against Mike's skin, the soundless words he mouths eventually manage to calm Mike a little and he feels boneless in Harvey's arms. A little voice in his head is telling him that he should get off of Harvey's legs but he can't move, not just one tiny bit. Harvey's hands slowly roam his back and finally Mike is able to take a long, shaky breath, inhaling Harvey's scent.

"I've never—" He pauses and sucks his lower lip between his teeth.

"What?" Harvey's voice is so warm and soft that it makes Mike's eyes sting and he fears for a moment that the pieces he's so carefully glued back together just seconds ago will fall apart again. 

"I've never felt so close," he whispers and exhales. "To anyone. I—"

Harvey shifts and Mike raises his head until they're looking at each other and Harvey cups Mike's jaw with his warm, pulsing palm. "Mike, I—"

Biting his lips, Mike climbs off of Harvey and pulls the other man down onto the mattress with him. He pulls the covers up and sighs when Harvey wraps his arms around him from behind and places a tender kiss on the nape of Mike's neck.

"Truth or dare?" 

For a moment, Mike thinks he has imagined the words but when the tip of Harvey's nose runs along his hairline and Harvey's fingers begin to run along the sensitive skin of Mike's arms he knows he hasn't, he knows that those words were real.

"Truth."

Harvey nods and continues his tender caresses. "Why did you stop," he asks into Mike's hair. "At the bar. That day. Why did you stop?"

Mike buries his nose into the crook of Harvey's arm and inhales. "I don't know." The tip of his tongue darts out and runs along the crook, tasting the salty tang left behind by exhaustion and release. "I was tired, I guess, and my hands were trembling so badly no matter how hard I grabbed the wheel and I think I must have needed a drink after—" A quiet sigh falls from his lips when Harvey's hold on him tightens ever so slightly. "I don't know."

"I'm glad you did," Harvey says and Mike scoffs. 

"Yeah."

Mike closes his eyes and Harvey's steady heartbeat against his back and the sensation of Harvey's fingertips on his arms lull him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

*****

When Mike wakes up a mouthwatering smell tickles his nose and he's alone under the covers. Since the room is windowless and his watch is somewhere in his bag, Mike can't tell the time but he has a distinct feeling that he's waking up from more than just a nap.

Harvey, with his back to Mike and softly humming under his breath, is busy chopping something up and steam rises from a large pot next to him on the stove. For a moment Mike can's see Amber but when Harvey lowers his head and says something Mike can't make out properly, he knows that the baby must be tied in front of Harvey's chest.

Mike slowly rises, walks up to the table behind Harvey where his clothes are hanging over the back of a chair and clears his throat when Harvey doesn't turn. "How long was I out?"

For a fraction of a second Harvey freezes and when he finally turns around there is a faint look of worry on his face. "A little over six hours," he says, searching Mike's face, and a bolt of burning, ice-cold energy surges through Mike's body. "I—"

"Six _hours_?" Mike almost drops his shirt and stares at Harvey incredulously. "You let me sleep for _six hours_?" He frantically pulls on his t-shirt and boxers before he steps into his jeans and fastens zipper and button. "Shit."

"Mike," Harvey cuts in, chopping knife still in hand and Amber wriggling against his chest. "You needed it. You were exhausted and—"

Mike has pulled his sweater over his head and is struggling with the sleeves. " _You_ ," he interrupts and points at Harvey with one still sleeve-covered arm, "you fucking stole six of my remaining hours." His voice is dangerously low and his eyes throw daggers when he slips into his shoes. "Of the few hours I have left. You had _no_ fucking right."

"Mike," Harvey tries to reason and takes a step towards the table, "I know. I—"

"You had _no_ right," Mike repeats and shakes his head, sounding almost defeated. "Stay the fuck away from me," he hisses when Harvey takes another tentative step towards him and storms up the stairs, letting the door fall shut behind him.

It takes Harvey all the strength he can muster not to rush after Mike. His whole body has tensed up and Amber's squirming is building up to a fully fledged crying fit. He forces himself to relax and makes soothing sounds, pacing back and forth in front of the stove and rocking her against his body.

After a while she calms down and Harvey resumes chopping. He adds the chopped onion to the pot when he's done, stirs a couple of times and switches on the oven. The sound of the door opening stops him in his movements for a brief moment but when Mike walks down the stairs, he wipes his hands with a towel and reaches behind his back to undo the ends of the scarf. He carries Amber to her bed and lies her down and before he turns around again, he takes a deep breath.

"Mike, I'm sorry," he says and walks back to the stove, his eyes never leaving Mike's. 

Mike has stopped at the bottom of the stairs and he's worrying his lower lips between his teeth. His arms are slung around his waist and he's shivering. "I know," he whispers and tightens his hold on himself. "It's just," he swallows thickly and lowers his gaze. "It's just that there's only so little time left and I—"

"Mike—" Harvey falls silent and runs his palm over his mouth when Mike doesn't move. "Mike, please—"

Mike walks towards him, his eyes fixed on the ground, and he only raises his head when he's face to face with Harvey. He closes the remaining distance with one short step and leans his head against Harvey's shoulder, sighing, when Harvey's arms close around him. 

"I'm sorry," Harvey mutters into Mike's hair and Mike nods.

"I know."

They stay like that for a little while, holding each other and breathing quietly together, before Mike pulls away a little and locks eyes with Harvey. "What did you do while I was asleep?"

"Hmmm," Harvey makes and cups Mike's face with both of his hands. "I fed and changed Amber." His fingers gently brush over Mike's cheeks and he tilts his head. "I started cooking." Mike nods and Harvey's lips curl into a small smile. "But most of the time I just looked at you."

"You watched me sleep?" Mike frowns and the smile on Harvey's face broadens. 

"Yeah," Harvey says and places a chaste kiss on Mike's lips. "You looked beautiful." He kisses Mike again and closes his eyes. 

Mike's lips open slightly when the tip of Harvey's tongue runs over them and his eyes flutter shut as well. His tongue meets Harvey's and he pulls Harvey closer against his body as the kiss deepens. There is no hurry in their kiss, no urgency, just this deep, humming sensation of something falling into place and settling. They've never just kissed like this before and Mike is surprised that the thought of sex doesn't even cross his mind once before he feels Harvey's cock hardening against his upper leg. Only then does he realize that he's hard as well, that a tingling arousal is coursing through his whole system, but still this is not about sex. When Harvey breaks the kiss and takes a step backwards, still smiling and holding on to Mike's hands, Mike grins back.

"What are you making?" He nods towards the stove and Harvey's brows furrow.

"Lasagna," he answers and Mike thinks he can see a faint blush spreading over Harvey's face. "I mean, it's probably not very good… The meat is from a can and so are the carrots and I made the pasta dough myself and I don't know—"

"Harvey," Mike whispers and Harvey falls silent. "It smells amazing. Thank you." He brings Harvey's hand to his mouth and kisses Harvey's knuckles. "Thank you."

Harvey nods and sets back to work.

After dinner, they sit down on the mattress again, Mike settled between Harvey's legs and Harvey's back against the wall. Amber is sound asleep and it has to be pitch dark outside already.

The silence that settles around them is not uncomfortable and Mike enjoys the warmth of Harvey's chest against his back and the soft huff of Harvey's breath in his hair. He can feel himself relax and when he licks his lips and reaches for the glass of scotch next to him, he can feel Harvey's embrace gently tightening. He takes a swig from the glass and sets it down again, shifting ever so slightly and clearing his throat.

_"Call me Ishmael."_

Harvey tenses but when Mike lowers his head and kisses Harvey's arm before he repeats the words, he relaxes again.

_"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world."_

Harvey lets his lips trace along Mike's hairline and hums. The vibrations run through Mike's body like quicksilver and he tilts his head to give Harvey better access to his throat.

_"It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can."_

"How do you do that?" Harvey whispers against Mike's skin, but Mike shakes his head.

"Shhh," he makes and squeezes Harvey's hand. "Listen." He takes a deep breath and continues. _"This is my substitute for pistol and ball…"_

Almost three hours later, when Mike arrives at the end of Chapter Ten, his voice trembles as he recites the chapter's closing lines. _"How it is I know not; but there is no place like a bed for confidential disclosures between friends. Man and wife, they say, there open the very bottom of their souls to each other; and some old couples often lie and chat over old times till nearly morning. Thus, then, in our hearts' honeymoon, lay I and Queequeg—a cosy, loving pair."_

He lets his head fall backwards onto Harvey's shoulder and Harvey's lips touch his cheek. 

"I don't know how to thank you," Harvey whispers and Mike closes his eyes.

"Don't." He can feel Harvey smile and nod behind his back and the tip of Harvey's nose caressing his temple. "When you said earlier, the other day, I mean, that you've been in love—"

"Yeah," Harvey breathes open-mouthed against Mike's cheek. "What about that?"

"Was that very long ago?"

Harvey chuckles and tiny puffs of breath hurry down Mike's throat. "No."

"Oh," Mike mouths and cranes his head a little. 

"Not at all," Harvey adds and noses at Mike's throat. "On the contrary."

"Oh," Mike says again, gripping Harvey's arms tighter.

"Yeah." Harvey's lips feel warm and dry when they trail along Mike's throat from his ear to his collarbone. "It's not even 'ago' at all."

"You're in love with someone _now_?" Mike opens his eyes and turns his head, frowning.

"Hmm-hmm." Harvey hums and catches the lobe of Mike's ear between his teeth. 

"But why are you with _me_ then?"

"Mike—" Letting go of Mike's ear, Harvey sighs and briefly tightens his embrace. "Stop thinking."

"But—" Mike tries to turn around in Harvey's arms but Harvey firmly holds him in place. "Why—Is she—"

"It's not a woman," Harvey whispers and licks over Mike's pulse point, causing Mike to inhale sharply.

"Oh—" Mike's head rolls to the side and he laces his fingers with Harvey's. "But—"

"Let it go," Harvey murmurs into the small space behind Mike's ear and Mike's shoulders sag. "I'm tired," Harvey smiles and turns Mike around. "I would like to sleep for a little while."

Mike nods, reaches for Harvey's wrist and takes his watch off. "My turn to watch you sleep now," he says and catches Harvey's eyes. "How long—When do you want me to set it?"

"Three hours?" Harvey yawns and stretches out on the mattress, pulling the covers up. "No, make that four."

Mike nods again, sets the alarm and lies down next to Harvey, snuggling up against his chest. "Okay."

 

~End of Day Four~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotes in this chapter are taken from Herman Melville's masterpiece "Moby-Dick; or, The Whale" - a favorite not just of Harvey's.


	6. Day Minus Three

Amber wakes up one hour into Harvey's nap and Mike hurries to rise and pick her up. After feeding and changing her, he carries her into the storage room and lights two candles he's found on one of the shelves. He sits down on the wooden floor and balances her on his legs while he tells her stories and entertains her with his best grimaces – and when her laughter turns into yawns, he cradles her in his arms and rocks her gently, singing to her in a low, soothing voice until she falls asleep. 

"I envy you," he whispers to the softly snoring baby and places a quick kiss onto her forehead. "Because you don't know."

After another quarter of an hour he extinguishes one of the candles, struggles to his feet and carries Amber back to her bed where he carefully lies her down. Oscar looks at him with his one black, beady eye and Mike sighs. He picks up the toy and places it closer to Amber's face before he puts the second candle down next to the mattress and lies down again, propping himself up on one elbow. 

His eyes wander over the sleeping body next to him. Harvey is lying on his back and his mouth is slightly open. In the light of the flickering candle Mike's gaze traces the lines, angles and shadows of Harvey's face, the slopes of his cheeks, the curve of his lips and the half-moon shapes his lashes form under his eyes. He lets his eyes rest on the twin moles above Harvey's brow for a while before they travel to Harvey's mouth again and then to the hollow of his throat and further to his softly rising and falling chest. 

Mike's throat constricts and he lowers himself down until his head comes to rest on Harvey's shoulder and Harvey immediately opens his arms and pulls Mike against himself. Mike doesn't plan on falling asleep, too, but Harvey is warm and his breathing is soothing and before Mike knows it, Harvey is kissing his lips softly, his wrist watch in his hand.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he murmurs against Mike's mouth. "Time to—"

He is cut short by Mike who pulls him in for a deep, passionate kiss. Mike's body arches upwards and he can feel his dick throbbing in his pants. When Harvey places his hand over the bulge in Mike's crotch, Mike moans into the kiss.

"How about," Harvey kisses his words onto Mike's lips and along his jaw line. "How about we get up and take Amber for a little hike?"

Mike tries to reach for the back of Harvey's neck and to pull him closer again, but Harvey withdraws quickly before he resumes trailing kisses over Mike's face and throat. "And how about we have something to eat when we come back and feed her as well so we can be sure she'll sleep for a while?"

Mike nods and a sharp pant escapes his lips when Harvey playfully bites down on Mike's shoulder and squeezes his dick through his trousers. "And how about when she's asleep we lie down again and you fuck me?"

"What?" Mike's eyes go impossible wide within mere fractions of seconds. "You want _me_ to—"

"Yeah," Harvey smiles and squeezes Mike's dick again. "Yeah, I want that."

“I don’t know,” Mike mumbles and hides his face against Harvey’s chest.

“I do.” 

When Mike looks up again and still frowns doubtfully, Harvey let's go of Mike's cock and cups his face. "Mike," he says and there is a fondness in his eyes that takes Mike's breath away. "I've only ever let someone fuck me in exchange for something else. In exchange for food or for medical care or for permits, for my family's life, for my own life." He quickly kisses Mike's lips and locks eyes with him again. "I want to know what it feels like when it's not currency."

"Okay," Mike whispers after a while and raises his head to kiss Harvey this time. "But I've never—" 

"Don't worry about that," Harvey grins and pulls back the covers. "It's easy."

Mike punches Harvey's arm lightly and closes his eyes for a moment. "Dick."

When Harvey runs his fingers through Mike's hair, Mike leans into the touch and sighs. "Okay, let's get up."

*****

"My father," Mike breaks the silence about half an hour into their hike, "taught me how to steer a dog sleigh once. We got drafted together, my parents and I, and one day he said he had a surprise for me and there was a dog sleigh with eight dogs behind our hut and he said 'We have it for three hours' and the he taught me how to steer it. He never told me where or how he got it."

Harvey carefully places his hand on the small of Mike's back to guide him along a difficult part of the path.

"That was about two years ago," Mike continues when they've passed that part. "About half a year or so before he died." He wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "It's the last time I remember having fun." When Harvey touches him again, almost surreptitiously, even though the path before them is wide and even, Mike bites his lips. "It was such a sunny day and the snow was fresh and powdery, ideal sleighing weather, my father said." He chuckles under his breath. "I remember how flushed my dad's cheeks were when we returned home after those three hours and how my fingers were so cold that I thought they'd fall off… But I had the best time." He wipes his nose once more and coughs. "I had the best time." His voice trails off and when Harvey stops him with a hand on his arm, he sighs. "I had so much fun that day."

Harvey nods and pulls Mike into his arms, careful not to crush Amber who is tied to Mike's chest in her scarf. "I'm so sorry, baby," he mumbles into Mike's hair and when Mike tenses in his embrace, he corrects himself. "Mike." He keeps his lips pressed to Mike's hair until Mike breaks contact and nods curtly.

"Let's go on."

After another hour or so they reach a little pond. It is frozen over, of course, and there are cracks visible in the ice. Their breaths are white puffs of steam when they sit down on a fallen tree trunk and faint wafts of mist hover over the middle of the pond. 

"It's beautiful," Mike whispers and Harvey nods, reaching for Mike's hand and lacing his fingers with Mike's.

"How did you first hear about the end?" Harvey asks and stares at something on the other side of the pond. "When it all began?"

"Watching the news," Mike replies, his stare parallel to Harvey's. "I heard it on the six o'clock news. I was home alone and I couldn't believe it." Harvey's fingers tighten around his and he gently squeezes back. "I flat out couldn't believe it. So I switched channels. I went online. I phoned my father. One of my friends from High School had become an astronomer. I don't know to how many people I spoke to, how many pages I read until I finally believed that it was true." His eyes narrow and he shakes his head ever so slightly. "Sometimes, I still can't believe it. It seems so surreal in a way. That the universe will simply stop expanding and—and that we—that everything will just get sucked back in, just like that…" Amber stirs against Mike's chest and he places his free hand between her shoulders, running it up and down her little back soothingly. "I mean, I never understood why it would all happen in a flash, why it wouldn't take billions and billions of years for it to recede when it—"

Harvey brings Mike's hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles.

"I just never understood," Mike murmurs and Harvey nods.

"Would you like me to explain it to you? I could."

"No," Mike says after a moment of silence and shakes his head. "No, I don't think I really want to know now. It doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"

"No," Harvey says and kisses Mike's fingers again. "It doesn't."

"And you?" Mike asks and keeps staring straight ahead. "How did you hear?"

"My father," Harvey answers slowly. "Dad. Dad told me even before it hit the news. Although he immediately said that he didn't believe it. He didn't believe it from the very beginning. Even when there was no room left for any doubt anymore, even when—He had good connections to a couple of scientists in the Resistance. Astronomers, physicists, statisticians. Nerds, basically, with secret labs once the governments shut them down and all. He said… I never believed him. I knew it was nothing but false hope. But that's why he built the hide-out, the water tank, the generator here and the one at the bar. He started hoarding gas and stocking all kinds of supplies almost from day one. And that's why—" Harvey swallows and clenches his jaws. "I never believed him."

It is Mike's time to tighten his grip on Harvey's fingers and he scoots a little closer to the other man, the rough surface of the tree trunk scratching his jeans.

"He was a good man," Harvey murmurs and when Mike turns his head, he can see that Harvey's eyes are closed. "My father. He was a good man." Harvey bites his lips and Mike's heart clenches in his chest. "He just—" Harvey bites his lips again and inhales sharply through his nose. "He just couldn't let go."

"Of course he couldn't," Mike says and lets go of Harvey's hand to turn and fully face him. "He had you." 

Harvey's brows furrow but he doesn’t open his eyes.

"He had you and Marcus and Sunny and little Tommy and then, in the end, he still had you. So _of course_ he couldn't let go." Mike reaches for Harvey's face and turns his head around. "Harvey," he whispers and touches his ice-cold fingers to Harvey's cheek.

"I know," Harvey whispers back and when his eyes finally flutter open, there's something in them that Mike can't quite place. Tenderness, yes, pain, that too, very obviously, and a faint hint of worry. But there's something else and Mike doesn't know what it is. It still finds its echo deep within Mike and for a second he feels as if he were in free fall. His stomach lurches and all he can hear is the blood rushing through his veins. His pulse. Harvey's.

He's almost grateful when Amber stirs again and starts to whimper quietly. He stares into Harvey's eyes for another breathless second before he breaks eye contact and lowers his head, looking at the baby. "Hey," he mutters and adjusts Amber's woolen hat. "Are you cold, sweetheart? Are you freezing?"

From the corner of his eye he can see Harvey rising and a moment later he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on," Harvey says and he sounds almost normal again. "Let's head back to the cabin. You must be cold, too."

"'m okay," Mike murmurs but rises as well. He carefully adjusts Amber's scarf and smiles when she looks up at him expectantly with her big blue eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we're leaving, we're leaving."

They walk back in silence and when they come to that difficult part of the path again, Harvey takes Mike's hand. He doesn't let go until they reach the cabin.

*****

The fresh air seems to have awoken Amber properly because once they're back at the hide-out she won't fall asleep – not even after she's had her bottle and Mike has changed her. She joins them for the lunch Harvey fixes them in her car seat and after that they take turns entertaining her. Mike tells her stories again while Harvey rummages around in the storage room and when Mike climbs up the stairs to check on the car and to turn on the engine to make sure it isn't frozen, he hears how Harvey starts to sing to her again. 

When he comes back, Amber is lying in her bed, yawning and rubbing her eyes with her tiny fists, and Harvey is putting on his parka.

"I think she'll sleep for a while now," Harvey says, smiling at Mike. "Could you have a look at my shoulder when I'm back? I think the dressing needs changing."

Mike nods and walks over to Amber's bed. "Sleep tight, little princess," he murmurs and brushes her dark hair from her forehead. "Sleep well."

When Harvey comes back a few minutes later, Mike is washing himself at the sink. He's stripped down to his boxers and he's running a wash cloth over his body. He doesn't immediately hear Harvey so when he takes off the last item of clothing he has been wearing and starts washing himself between his legs, the sharp intake of breath from the stairs startles him and makes him turn around.

Harvey has stopped in his tracks at the foot of the stairs and he's staring at Mike across the room. His mouth is slightly open and Mike's gaze drops to Harvey's lips the exact moment Harvey's tongue darts out and runs over his lower lip once.

Mike can feel himself blush and when his dick twitches against his palm, he averts his eyes. "Shit," he mutters under his breath and then, a little louder, "I'm sorry, Harvey."

Balling his hands into tight fists, Harvey takes a deep breath before he speaks. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, Mike," he says and there's a slightly husky tone swinging in his words. "You have no idea how much I want you."

Mike presses the washcloth against his hardening dick and turns away from Harvey again.

"I want," Harvey continues, shrugs off his parka and walks over to the table. "I want you to take another look at my shoulder and—" he begins to shed his clothes quickly, never taking his eyes of Mike who seems to have frozen in place. "Then I want you to wash me, too, and then I want to lie down with you and—" Harvey's breathing hitches when Mike changes his stance a little and the muscles in his legs and ass flex. "And I want you to fuck me with that beautiful cock of yours. With that gorgeous body. Mike—"

Mike turns back around, already almost fully erect, and his lips are dark red because he's bitten them so hard. His face, his throat and the upper part of his chest are flushed with a pink hue and he is breathing rapidly. "I've never wanted anything so much in all of my life," he whispers and blushes even more when his gaze drops to Harvey's groin where Harvey's hand is loosely wrapped around his cock, lazily stroking himself to hardness. “But I am not sure I can do it.”

“Mike.” Harvey freezes and his forehead furrows in a doubtful frown. “Why? We have—“

A long, trembling breath flows from Mike’s lips and his shoulders sag. “Because—“ He pauses and pulls his lower lip between his teeth. He avoids Harvey’s eyes, no matter how hard Harvey tries to catch his gaze. “Because you should be in love.” He can feel his face turning an even deeper shade of red and he shakes his head ever so slightly. “With the guy who—I mean, not with me, obviously, but with the guy who—“ He swallows thickly, still staring at the cracks between the floor boards. “If you give that to somebody after everything you’ve been through you—“ His heart nearly stops beating in his chest when from the corner of his eyes he sees Harvey crossing the room and walking towards him and his eyes close from their own accord when Harvey comes to stand in front of him and lifts his chin up with a crooked index finger. 

“Mike, look at me.”

Mike slowly opens his eyes and there is such a tenderness on Harvey’s face it makes his eyes burn and he has to look away again after just a second. “You should be in love.” His voice is nothing more but a whisper and he closes his eyes again against the onslaught of warmth and the intoxicating scent Harvey radiates. All he wants to do is to bury himself in that warmth and it’s all he can think about. His breathing hitches when Harvey wraps his arms around him and pulls him close.

“Mike,” Harvey whispers into his ear. “I _want_ it to be you.” His arms tighten around Mike when he shivers. “And not just because these are the last few days left and you just happen to be here.” 

Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, Mike buries his face against Harvey’s shoulder and closes his arms around Harvey’s waist. His breathing hitches again and he can feel his eyes prickle.

“I _want_ it to be you.” Harvey’s lips flutter against the shell of Mike’s ear and another shiver runs through his body. His dick begins to harden again and so does Harvey’s and when Harvey begins to nuzzle his hair and Harvey’s hands begin to run up and down his back in slow, gentle strokes, Mike slowly shakes his head, savoring the sensation of Harvey’s skin against his nose and mouth. 

“Why?”

“You _know_ why,” Harvey murmurs, placing a soft kiss on Mike’s temple, and Mike nods.

His hands wander to Harvey’s ass but before they reach their destination, Mike stops and tenses. He is almost fully hard again and his cock nudges against Harvey’s answering hardness. 

“You said you wanted me, too,” Harvey murmurs and nips at Mike’s ear lobe before his mouth wanders down Mike’s throat, licking and kissing Mike’s skin all the way to his collar bone. “Remember?”

“God, yes,” Mike moans when Harvey pulls him even closer. “So much…” He cups Harvey’s ass cheeks and shifts a little so that their groins rub against each other, drawing a sharp hiss from Harvey’s lips. “I could come just thinking about it. Like this.”

Harvey chuckles and pushes back against Mike’s groin once before he breaks the embrace and tilts up Mike’s head. “Come on then,” he smiles and nods at the question in Mike’s eyes. 

When their lips touch, Mike sucks in a deep breath and he can feel Harvey smile against his mouth. 

“What about having that look at your shoul—?” Mike mumbles but Harvey cuts him short by touching Mike’s lips with the tip of his tongue and by cupping the back of Mike’s head. 

“Later,” Harvey breathes into the kiss. “We can do that later.” 

The kiss deepens and deepens until it’s almost brutal, and Mike is sure their lips will bruise but he can’t help it. Even though he wants it to be gentle and slow, even though he wants to savor every second of it, he feels such a desperate need, such an intense pull towards Harvey that all he can do is take and take and take until his knees buckle and Harvey has to steady him to keep him from falling. 

“Sorry,” Mike murmurs and leans his forehead against Harvey’s chest. He ties to catch his breath but he can’t stop the hitches.

“It’s okay, Mike,” Harvey soothes and Mike takes a deep breath. He rises his head and locks eyes with Harvey, his whole body trembling.

Harvey cups Mike’s face and brushes away the two tears that are rolling down Mike’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I want you just as much.” He kisses Mike gently and steers him towards the mattress with a soft touch to the small of Mike’s back. 

They sink down to their knees together and almost immediately Mike’s hands are in Harvey’s hair and his tongue is caressing Harvey’s lips. “Slow,” he breathes and Harvey nods, pulling Mike closer with his hands on the rising slopes of Mike’s ass.

“Yeah, slow…”

Mike is rock hard by now and with every movement either of them makes, the friction against his cock sends little bolts of electricity through his whole body. 

Harvey is hard as well and when Mike’s hips thrust forward, his cock nudging against Harvey’s lower belly, Mike can feel Harvey twitching against him. He can feel how both he and Harvey are leaking with pre-come and the thought of burying himself in Harvey’s tight body forces a low, breathy moan from deep within his chest. 

Harvey’s moan answers his and Harvey is pulling him down, down onto the mattress, his body hot against his own and his fingers burning patterns of longing into his receptive skin. 

“How do—“ Mike pants and Harvey moans into his mouth. “How do you want to do this?”

“Like this,” Harvey rasps and pulls Mike on top of him. “I want to see you.”

“Hmmm,” Mike hums, licking his way down Harvey’s throat and across his chest. “Yeah…”

His lips seek Harvey’s again and without either of them noticing, their bodies find a slow, undulating rhythm of grinding against each other, their cocks hard and leaking between their hot, slightly sweaty skin. “I want you,” Mike gasps, his hand fisting into Harvey’s hair. “God, I want you.”

“Yeah, yeah—“ Harvey’s hips stutter and he tenses. “Oh god,” he moans, pressing his face into the crook of Mike’s throat. “You better do it now or this will be over before it has really started.”

Mike smiles when he feels Harvey chuckle breathlessly against his skin. “I can’t help it,” he whispers and kisses Harvey’s hair. “God, I can’t remember ever being this turned on…” Smiling, he disentangles himself from Harvey’s embrace and sits up on his knees between Harvey’s legs. “I can’t believe you’re letting me do this,” he murmurs and reaches down to cup Harvey’s jaw. “Thank you.”

Turning his head and leaning into the touch, Harvey kisses Mike’s palm and nods. He arches his back a little and a low moan escapes his lips, tingling against Mike’s palm, when Mike wraps his other hand around Harvey’s throbbing dick. “Prepare me,” he mouths against Mike’s skin and closes his eyes when Mike leans sideways to pick up the Vaseline. 

Mike coats his fingers with a generous amount and stares at his hand as Harvey opens his legs a little further and bends his knees. Biting his lips, Mike brings his hand between Harvey’s legs and carefully runs his fingers along Harvey’s crack, brushing over Harvey’s hole with a feather-light touch. 

Harvey’s muscles clench under Mike’s caress and he withdraws his hand immediately. “Are you _sure_ you want this,” he asks quietly, locking eyes with Harvey. 

“Yeah,” Harvey replies and takes a long, deep breath before he reaches for Mike’s wrist and guides his hand back to his entrance. “I am.”

“Okay,” Mike nods and rests his fingers against Harvey’s puckered hole, applying just the gentlest of pressure. He begins to move his hand in a small, circling motion, massaging Harvey while taking hold of his cock again and stroking it slowly. 

A drop of pre-come pools at Harvey’s slit and Mike bows down to catch it on his tongue before it has the chance to roll down Harvey’s crown. He kisses Harvey’s tip and licks it again and when he takes Harvey into his mouth, he pushes one finger into his body as slowly and steadily as he lowers his head and swallows him down.

Harvey moans and his hips buck upwards, causing Mike to cough and Harvey to apologize profusely. 

“’s alright,” Mike mumbles around Harvey’s dick and Harvey chuckles, very much out of breath. Harvey’s fingers find their way into Mike’s hair and when Mike inserts a second finger, they grip the short locks tighter for a second or two before Harvey relaxes around Mike again. 

Mike lets go of Harvey’s cock and sits back on his heels, moving his fingers in and out of Harvey again and again. His eyes follow the movements of his fingers, mesmerized by the sight of Harvey opening up for him again and again. When he looks up, Harvey’s eyes are closed and his hands are fisting into the fabric of the sheets. 

“You okay?” Mike whispers and Harvey nods. His eyes snap open when Mike’s fingers crook and brush over his prostate. 

“Fuck,” he hisses and inhales sharply. “Do that again.” 

Grinning, Mike obliges and watches Harvey hold his breath. “More?”

Harvey nods and releases the air from his lungs in a panted moan. 

“ _Ho_ ly—“ Harvey’s mouth opens in a silent scream when Mike rubs over that spot again, pressing down a little harder this time around. “Yeah,” he pants when Mike does it again. “I think I’m _perfectly_ okay…”

Watching Harvey writhe and moan under his caresses is so arousing that Mike has to grab hold of his neglected cock and squeeze down onto its base hard for a moment. It would be so easy just to push in now, to breach Harvey’s body in one languid thrust, to be sheathed in tight heat and to lose all other meaning but Mike holds back. Harvey isn’t fully prepared yet and Mike wants it to be as painless as possible for him.

He takes his time working Harvey open, scissoring his fingers and stretching the other man slowly, gradually, and by the time he has three fingers inside Harvey’s body, they are both sweaty, out of breath and shaking with need. 

“Mike,” Harvey moans when Mike spreads his fingers again. “Mike, I’m ready.” He raises his head and reaches for the back of Mike’s head, drawing him down.

Mike’s fingers slip from Harvey’s body and he blindly pats the mattress next to him for the jar of Vaseline, his tongue deep in Harvey’s mouth and his lips burning from Harvey’s kisses and the stubble on Harvey’s face. Never breaking the kiss he digs into the jaw and reaches between them to coat his dick with the lube. When he tries to rise, Harvey catches his lower lip between his teeth and pulls him into the next series of hungry kisses. 

“Okay,” he finally nods, breathless and trembling, and raises his hips a little. 

Mike scoots closer and positions himself, the tip of his cock nudging against Harvey’s hole, smearing a mix of Vaseline and pre-come over it. Locking eyes with Harvey again, Mike pushes forward and when his tip breaches Harvey’s body, Harvey hisses and Mike stills.

Harvey takes a couple of deep breaths and Mike can feel the other man relax around him. After a couple of moments Mike dares to push in further, pausing again every now and then, trembling with the effort to hold back and go slow. 

Once he is completely buried in Harvey’s tight, oh so tight heat, Harvey’s legs wrap around his waist and Harvey draws him in for another kiss. 

“Does it hurt?” Mike asks Harvey’s lips in a low whisper when Harvey clenches around him impossibly tight. 

“Yeah,” Harvey nods breathily, letting the tip of his tongue run over Mike’s upper lip. “A bit, but—So, so good…”

“I don’t want to move,” Mike whispers, his words turning into a voiceless moan when Harvey tightens around him again. “But I have to.”

“I know,” Harvey murmurs under his breath and tilts his hips just the tiniest bit, making Mike gasp. “It’s okay, Mike. You can. I want you to.”

“Oh god,” Mike moans and withdraws a little before pushing back in again. “Fuck.” He repeats the motion again and again, fucking into Harvey with small, shallow thrusts, keeping his lips locked with Harvey’s and his hands framing Harvey’s face. 

“Mike,” Harvey moans into the kiss and Mike can feel Harvey’s cock twitch between their bodies. “I’m—I’ll—God—“

Mike thrusts into Harvey hard and stills, pushing as deep into Harvey as he can, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Harvey’s legs tighten around him and Harvey holds his breath for a second, for three, four, five – and then he releases his breath in one sharp huff and Mike can feel how Harvey comes between them, how he spurts his warm come against their skin and how his heart misses a beat, two, three, then stutters and only then does Mike become aware that he is coming, too, that Harvey is clenching around him so, so tightly and that his fingers are digging into Mike’s back and his teeth into Mike’s shoulder and Mike spills himself into Harvey’s impossibly tight, warm body, his hips jerking off their own accord and a stream of moans falling from his lips onto Harvey’s skin, his face, his lips.

“Harvey,” Mike whispers, “oh god—oh god—“ And he doesn’t understand what Harvey is saying, moaning, pleading, breathing – the only thing he understands is that he is still coming and that they are falling and there is no ending to it, he understands that it has been like this forever and that it will be like this forever, this he understands with a perfect clarity that shatters his heart and short-circuits in his mind. 

“Mike,” Harvey’s moan calls him back to reality and when his muscles clench around his still hard dick again, Mike shifts and claims Harvey’s mouth for a deep, passionate kiss. Tasting Harvey now, after this, feels like drowning and he pulls Harvey into his arms and holds on to his body with all the strength he has left.

“Mike,” Harvey says again and then once more, “Mike.” His body goes slack and his legs drop to the mattress and Mike holds on, panting against the crook of Harvey’s neck, his eyes squeezed shut and the sweat burning inside, Harvey’s heartbeat against his chest and Harvey’s breathing in his ear. When Harvey runs his fingers down Mike’s spine, along his tail bone and into the crack between his butt cheeks, Mike shivers and when Harvey presses against his entrance and breaches his body with one trembling finger, Mike reaches his peak again and is swept away by a second climax, long and languid this time, washing through his body in mind-melting waves of such intense pleasure that all he can do is cling to Harvey and come and come and come and for a moment there he feels like floating inside of Harvey’s skin and so much more like himself than he has ever felt before. He is white-hot iron and every fiber of his being pours itself into the man beneath him, filling him and being filled at the same time and Mike doesn’t understand all of that, he doesn’t understand why his chest hurts so much, why his heart aches like that and why Harvey’s beautiful shoulder is wet with his salty tears. 

“Mike,” Harvey whispers again and again, stroking him through the ebbing waves of his climax, warm and solid underneath him, the ground on which Mike’s whole existence is based during this timeless moment of core-shaking bliss. “So good, so good…”

Mike stays doesn’t move until he’s too soft to stay inside Harvey any longer and when he finally slips out, Harvey’s arms tighten around him. “I want to feel you inside of me again,” he murmurs, cupping Mike’s ass and smiling into his sweaty hair. “We have to do this again.”

Mike silently shakes his head, biting his lips. “I—I don’t think—“

“Thank you, Mike,” Harvey says and cups Mike’s face to lift his head. “Thank you for giving this to me.”

“There’s nothing left of me now,” Mike whispers and rolls off of Harvey, facing the wall.

“I know.” Harvey’s voice sounds very far away and Mike curls in on himself a little, shivering ever so slightly.

“I know.” Harvey spoons up against Mike’s back, wrapping his arms around him from behind, his sticky, flaccid cock pressed against Mike’s ass. “I’m sorry.”

Mike nods and closes his eyes. Harvey’s fingers are ghosting over his arms and his breath is warm against the nape of his neck.

“You said,” Harvey whispers after a while, his voice raw and husky, “that when you were a magician you could make all kinds of things disappear.”

“Yeah,” Mike murmurs and nods, eyes still closed. “I remember.”

“What about people?” One of Harvey’s hands moves up to Mike’s face and brushes his hair from his forehead and at the same time Harvey’s lips brush over the nape of his neck. “Can you make people disappear, too?”

“Yeah.” Mike takes a deep breath and clears his throat. “People are different, though. Much more difficult.”

“I see.” Harvey kisses Mike’s hairline again and Mike can feel how his lips briefly curl into a small smile that is thwarted by the profound sadness in his voice. “Could you make us disappear?”

“I don’t know.” Mike’s eyes sting and he bites his lips before he speaks again. “Maybe. I don’t know. Would you want that? Would that be something you’d want?”

“Maybe,” Harvey replies after a moment of silence. “I don’t know.” He reaches for the blanket and pulls it over them, still holding Mike in his arms when they drift off to sleep.

When Harvey wakes up a couple of hours later, he is alone.

*****

It must have been Amber’s quiet crying that has woken him up. He scrambles to his feet and cleans himself up at the sink, then he goes to take a leak. Mike is nowhere to be seen. Harvey looks for him in the storage room, in the car and behind the hill, but he isn’t there. He takes care of Amber and fixes them something to eat for later and re-dresses his wound and when he’s finished with that, he sits down at the table and stares at Mike’s duffle bag for the longest time. Mike’s anorak is gone and his wallet, too, Harvey assumes, but the bag is still there.

“I don’t know where he is,” he says to Amber when she stirs in her bed again sometime later and when he picks her up, he sighs. “Do you think we should go look for him?”

He keeps himself busy rearranging things in the shelves of the storage room and he picks up one of the few books his father kept at the hide-out but he can’t concentrate on what he is reading so he closes it and sets it aside again after just a couple of minutes. It must be getting dark outside already and Harvey feels both heavy and restless and he’s grateful when Amber wakes up again and demands his attention. “I think we should go look for him,” he tells her and ties her to his chest with her scarf before he puts on his parka. 

They step outside and Harvey immediately hopes that Mike has put on something warm as well before he left. It’s crisp and chilly outside and the cold moisture creeps through his clothes frighteningly fast.

“Mike?” Harvey’s voice sounds hollow in the woods and he debates with himself whether to hike to the little lake first or maybe to the ravine or to search in circles around the hide-out, stuffing the two torch lights he has brought with him into his outer pockets, along with the extra set of batteries. It is still bright enough to see but soon he’ll need artificial light. 

He keeps calling Mike’s name while he walks through the woods, looking behind trees and rocks and quietly mumbling to Amber, cupping her little head with his hand. After half an hour he has to switch on a torch and he briefly wonders how long those batteries will last.

Another half an hour later, he still hasn’t found Mike. It’s almost pitch dark by now and Harvey is freezing, just his movements and Amber’s little body against his chest keeping him at least a bit warm. He keeps walking in a spiraling pattern around the hide-out and searches for Mike systematically, but the other man is nowhere to be found. Harvey calculates how long he has been gone and comes to the conclusion that it has to be at least four to five hours. The thought that he might never see Mike again, that he might be gone forever, or for that little of forever they have left, takes his breath away and he has to stop walking for a moment. 

Leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees, he wills his heartbeat to even out and to slow down. Amber is getting heavy and his back hurts. He closes his eyes for some seconds and listens into the darkness. The sounds of the woods wash over him and all he can remember is Mike’s ragged breathing against his skin. He can still feel Mike inside of him and he knows he will not stop searching until he has found Mike. 

“Mike!” Harvey calls, panting and straightening his back. He starts walking again, the circles around the hide-out widening. Sounds startle him – an owl, a deer maybe, glowing eyes in the distance, footsteps? Rapid breathing that turns out to be his own. “Mike!”

“We have to find him,” he tells Amber, holding her close against his chest. “We have to, Amber. We can’t very well live without him now, can we?” He stops and presses his lips against her small forehead. “We will find him, I promise.”

“Mike, Mike, please—“

When he hasn’t found Mike another thirty minutes later, Harvey really begins to panic. He imagines Mike injured, with a broken neck at the bottom of the ravine, captured, beaten, beaten to death, stabbed, shot, broken, alone. His chest constricts and he wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand angrily. “Mike!”

Suddenly, the beam of his torch light brushes over something lying on the floor. He quickly directs it back there and there is a shoe and a leg in blue jeans. The fabric of a blue anorak. 

“Mike!!”

He surges forward and is at the curled up body’s side in the blink of an eye, shaking the shoulder, whispering: “Mike, oh god, Mike, please, please, Mike, are you—“

With a pained moan, Mike stirs and rolls onto his back, opening his eyes. “Harvey…”

“Oh thank god,” Harvey whispers, gathering Mike’s upper body up from the floor and pulling Mike into his arms. He kisses Mike’s hair and his cheeks and his eyes and his lips, murmuring breathless “thank you”s over and over, almost crushing Amber between them. “Mike, thank god.”

“I fell,” Mike mutters against Harvey’s lips and closes his eyes. He lets Harvey’s caresses wash over him for a while before he turns his head away and tries to rise. “I lost my way and then I fell. Didn’t really see the point in getting up anymore, so I just closed my eyes and went to sleep.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” Harvey chuckles mirthlessly against the back of Mike’s head. “Why did you—“

“I had to leave,” Mike says tonelessly. “I couldn’t stay.”

“But—“

“Harvey, if I stay with you I won’t be able to let go. And I need to be able to let go, in the end. I can’t stay with you. I can’t.”

“I don’t want you to let go,” Harvey whispers and buries his face in Mike’s hair. Mike smells of sweat, sex and the woods and Harvey knows he will remember that scent for the rest of his life. “I don’t want you to ever let go.”

Mike turns to face Harvey and locks eyes with him. For some frozen moments they just look at each other and then Mike nods, very slowly.

“I’m not—I’m not going to say it,” he whispers, cupping Harvey’s cheek, “but you know, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Harvey whispers back. “I know. Me too, Mike. Me too.”

Mike nods again, closes his eyes and tries to sit up, wincing. 

“Here,” Harvey struggles to his feet, crouching down next to Mike, and takes hold of Mike’s hands. “Let me help you up.”

Together, they get Mike onto his feet and Harvey steadies him when he sways a little on the spot. Mike is shivering and Harvey takes him into his arms, careful not to crush Amber between them.

“I’m so cold,” Mike murmurs and buries his face against Harvey’s arm. “Just so fucking cold.”

“I know,” Harvey mouths into Mike’s messy hair and tightens his embrace a little before he pulls back and opens his parka. He holds it open and wraps it around Mike, trying to get as much of him inside as possible. 

Mike wraps his arms around Harvey under the heavy clothing and sighs when Amber’s and Harvey’s warmth touches his body. “Hmmm,” he hums and inhales deeply a couple of times. “Better.”

Harvey smiles and closes his eyes, breathing in Mike’s scent. “Yeah.”

“Take me home?” Mike asks timidly and Harvey nods.

“Yeah, in a minute.”

*****

“Her name,” Mike tells Harvey on their way back, “is Jenny Wilson.”

When Harvey frowns at him, Mike explains. “I found a label in her bag, on one of the old milk powder cartons. Never saw it before. Just earlier today when you were asleep and I was—No address, just the name and her date of birth. It said Jenny Wilson and I know that her mum’s name was Anne. So. That’s her name.”

“No, Mike,” Harvey reaches for Mike’s arm and pulls him to a stop. “Her name is Amber Ross.”

It takes them over an hour to reach the hide-out and after they’ve had something to eat and have put Amber to bed, they lie down as well and sleep through the night in each others’ arms, eight hours straight.

 

~End of Day Three~


	7. Day Minus Two and One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short - but the next one will be a long one again.

The next two days pass in a weird kind of routine of walks and meals and diaper changes and bottles and playing cards and fucking. There are those odd silences as well, those moments when time seems to stop passing and they just look at each other, Mike worrying his lip between his teeth and Harvey with that slightest tilt of his head, that strange glitter in his eyes that makes Mike’s heart miss a beat. 

Mike teaches Harvey his favorite card trick. It takes Harvey three hours to learn it but Mike never loses his patience.

They have lasagna again and afterwards Harvey takes his father’s saxophone from its case and plays some of his father’s tunes for him.

He asks Mike to recite _The Waste Land_ and Mike does, twice. 

They take turns sucking each other of and Mike confesses that he’s never swallowed before. Which earns him the most breathtaking kiss of his life.

On both days they pause whatever they are doing at 8:43pm. It’s a date and a time everyone on the planet knows, has known for years, and they take hold of each others’ hands and don’t say a word for a whole minute. Afterwards, Harvey kisses Mike’s silent tears away from his pale cheeks and takes him in his arms, holding him close and murmuring softly into his ear.

“It’s going to be alright, Mike. It’s okay. It’s okay…”

Mike knows, of course, that Harvey is lying but the words sound good nevertheless. Almost everything Harvey says sounds good to him now and Mike lets himself fall into those words, that voice, trembling and shaking. 

“Do you think it will hurt?” Mike asks the second day, pale and tense, and Harvey shakes his head.

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly and brushes his thumbs over Mike’s sticky cheeks. “But I don’t think so.”

“The waiting is killing me.” Mike melts into Harvey’s arms and a shiver runs through his body, again. 

“Do you want a drink?” Harvey asks and Mike shakes his head no.

“I don’t want to be hung over tomorrow.”

“I never thought,” Harvey murmurs and runs his fingers through Mike’s hair gently, “that there would be anything left in the last bottle when—I thought I would eat those pork chops, drown that booze and stick that gun into my—“

“Don’t,” Mike whispers and burrows deeper into Harvey’s embrace. “Please. Don’t.”

“Okay,” Harvey says and soothes his hands over Mike’s back. He doesn’t like how tangible Mike’s spine is and he wishes he could make Mike eat a little more. “I’m sorry.”

Mike nods and, withdrawing, takes a step backwards. “Maybe just a sip,” he says and tries a small grin. “We can share a glass.”

 

~End of Day Minus One~


	8. Day Zero

“I wish I had met you sooner,” Mike tells Harvey over breakfast. He takes the tiniest bite from his slice of bread and chews on it for what seems like an eternity before he can finally swallow it down. “I wish we’d had more time.”

Harvey stares at him for the longest time before he shakes his head ever so slightly. “I don’t. I couldn’t bear this, any of this, today, if—if we were any closer.”

“Harvey…”

“I don’t know how to do this, Mike,” Harvey grits through his teeth and slowly rises from his chair. “I don’t know how—I don’t know how to eat anymore, I don’t know how to piss, I don’t know how to do any of this, I—“ He starts to pace the room, running his fingers through his hair, shaking his head again and again. “I don’t know how we’re supposed to take all this, how we’re supposed to not lose our minds over everything. I can’t—My whole body hurts, it hurts all the fucking time and the only thing that helps is when you touch me and I—I don’t know how we can—I feel like I’m suffocating and I wish I still had the courage to stick that fucking gun—“

He stops dead in his tracks and at first he doesn’t even know why. Mike is staring at him with wide, watery eyes and he looks even paler than he has ever looked before. _He must have said something,_ Harvey thinks, _he must have said my name or something,_ and within a fraction of a second all tension leaves his body and he sinks down onto his chair again, breathing raggedly.

“I’m sorry, Mike, I’m sorry,” he whispers and buries his face in his hands. “I’m alright, just give me a minute. I’ll be alright. Okay?”

“Okay,” Mike says and his voice is trembling. “Anything you need.”

“Just a little air, Mike,” Harvey sighs, raising his head again. “Just a bit of air. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon,” he adds when Mike tenses. “I promise. I won’t leave. I won’t leave you alone. I just—I just need a little bit of air.”

“Okay,” Mike croaks and swallows thickly. “Okay.”

“You could come with me,” Harvey offers, reaching for Mike’s hand, and rises. 

“No.” Shaking his head, Mike withdraws his hand. “You just go ahead. I’ll be here when you come back.”

Bowing down to kiss the crown of Mike’s head, Harvey nods. “Half an hour, max.”

“Yeah,” Mike says and closes his eyes. 

*****

Harvey is back exactly twenty seven minutes later and Mike is still there, sitting on his chair, staring at the tabletop. 

“Better?” He asks without raising his head when Harvey walks down the stairs and takes his parka off.

“Yeah, a little.” Harvey does sound better and he kisses Mike’s hair again, smiling. “What do you want to do today, baby?”

“I want us to make love again,” Mike replies and grabs hold of Harvey’s hand. He brings it to his mouth and kisses Harvey’s knuckles. “As often as we can. I—”

“Mike,” Harvey interrupts and Mike looks up and smiles at him.

“It’s okay, Harvey,” he says, gently kissing Harvey’s fingers once more. “You can keep calling it fucking if you like. To me, it’s making love.” He rises and places a tender kiss on Harvey’s lips. “And I want us to do something nice with Amber. Maybe give her a bath or something. Play some theatre for her. Or make a toy for her out of wood.”

Harvey nods and wraps his arms around Mike lightly. “Anything else?”

“Yes,” Mike whispers into the crook of Harvey’s neck. “I want us to sit down for a while and say all the names of the people we have loved. Remember them for a while…”

“Mike, are you su—“

“Yes, Harvey,” Mike says and pulls Harvey against him tightly. “I am. I want to do this. With you.”

“Okay,” Harvey whispers into Mike’s hair. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Now?” Harvey’s collar muffles Mike’s voice so he lifts his head and looks Harvey into the eyes. “Can we do it now?” 

For a long time Harvey just looks at Mike, studies his features and his eyes, his arms loosely slung around Mike’s waist. “Yeah,” he finally says, kissing Mike’s lips softly. “We can do that.”

Mike settles into his chair again and Harvey rests his hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Wait.” 

Harvey walks into the storage room and comes back with a white candle and an empty whiskey bottle. He stuffs the candle’s bottom into the bottle’s opening and places it in the middle of the table. After sitting down on the chair on Mike’s left, not opposite him but on the other corner of the table, he lights the candle with a match from a package he draws from the pocket of his trousers.

“Are _you_ sure about this?” Mike asks and reaches for Harvey’s hand.

“No,” Harvey says and takes a deep, trembling breath. “But if you are—It’s what you want and I trust you.”

“Okay.” Mike squeezes Harvey’s hand and straightens his back. “I’ll start.”

Harvey nods and squeezes back. “Yeah,” he whispers, closing his eyes for a moment. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Mike breathes quietly for some moments, trying to calm the flutter of his heart. Harvey’s hand is solid and warm in his own and he can feel Harvey’s blood pulsing through his veins. He can do this.

“Trevor Frederic Evans,” Mike finally breaks the silence. “My oldest friend. Wherever he may be now.”

Harvey swallows thickly and gives Mike’s hand another squeeze. “Zoe Christine Lawford. My primary school teacher. She taught me how to count and calculate without using my fingers.”

Mike chuckles and brings Harvey’s hand to his mouth again, just barely touching his knuckles with his lips. “Jessica Pearson,” he murmurs against Harvey’s fingers. “Good old Miss Jessy. She used to own the candy store in my hometown and I carried a lot of my pocket money to that place when I was a little boy. Everyone loved her but she always gave me an extra sucker or some caramel fudge for free whenever I bought something at the store. Always. Her store was paradise to me, paradise.”

“Ruffles,” Harvey says next and Mike frowns in bewilderment. “Our dog when I was a kid. What?” He asks and arches his eyebrows in mock offense. “Dogs are people, too.”

“Rachel Elisabeth Zane,” Mike continues, taking another deep breath. “My high school sweetheart. She was my first. She was so sweet and beautiful and I thought we would have at least five kids together and that we’d both sit on our patio with grey hair one day, surrounded by—Well, that was before I—Rachel.”

Harvey nods and smiles at Mike. “Charles Francis Forstman,” he says. “One of my professors at college. Business Law. An asshole, really, but—He was _my_ first.” A dry chuckle falls from his mouth and he purses his lips. “Never thought we’d grow old together, though. And I never told him.”

“I hate him,” Mike grins and Harvey relaxes a little. “He didn’t deserve—“

“Yeah,” Harvey whispers and kisses Mike’s fingers. “He did. He did deserve it. And it was a long time ago.”

“Wyatt Alexander Crispin,” Mike carries on and Harvey can sense how Mike tenses again. “He was my _other_ first. A true genius. Tech wizard, he was a gazillionaire by the age of twenty. Would have married him on the spot but then he got swept away when everything went to shit, so I don’t know what happened to him, either. God, this is so hard. I didn’t think it would be _this_ hard.”

“You’re doing so well, Mike. Let me just—” Harvey reassures and bites his lips. “Dana Josephine Scott. She was _my_ other first. Just before I graduated high school. God, I was so into her it’s not even funny.” He chuckles again but there isn’t even the slightest bit of residual anger in it. “We had the worst kind of pregnancy scare once but everything turned out to be al—She got killed in the riots,” Harvey adds and Mike grabs his hand tighter. “God, she was such a good sport. Always up for a bet and she knew a whole shitload about baseball, too. I miss her so much.”

“I’m sorry,” Mike murmurs and Harvey gives his hand a firm squeeze.

“You would have gotten along with her,” he says and smiles. “She was a great girl.”

“I wish I had gotten to know her.” Mike sounds tired and Harvey is _this close_ to calling the whole thing to a stop when Mike speaks again. “Jenny Griffith. Trevor’s girlfriend. I had such a huge crush on her for so many years. I never told him, but we kissed once, Jenny and I. I’m glad I never told him.”

“Cole Christian Jackson,” Harvey carries on and takes a deep breath. “My best friend when I was a kid. He died when I was fifteen. He was—We were like brothers. Well, almost.”

Mike nods and closes his eyes. Before he can open his mouth, Harvey speaks again, the words just rushing from his mouth like a silver waterfall.

“Lily Specter. My mother. Donna Roberta Paulsen. My assistant and my best friend for more years than I can count – with our without my fingers. I could always rely on her and she always had my back. Made awful coffee, though. I never found out what happened to her. I don’t even know if she is still—They drafted her for the mines and I always worried—She was so delicate and I couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t—“

“Edith Vivien Ross,” Mike cuts in when Harvey falls silent and doesn’t speak again and Harvey nods, biting his lips, patiently waiting for Mike to go on. “Edith Vivien Ross. My grandmother. Grammy. She had the most beautiful voice ever. She used to sing me to sleep, just like you did with Amber the other day.”

“Marcus Finnegan Specter.” Harvey’s voice trembles and Mike searches for his eyes. Nodding, he reaches for Harvey’s other hand, holding on to both hands tightly. “My baby brother. And Katie Sandra Specter, Sunny, his wife. You know what happened to them. You know—“

“I know,” Mike whispers. “I am _so_ sorry, Harvey. I wish—“

“It’s okay,” Harvey interrupts, his words heavy with unshed tears. “I just wish—I don’t know. I just wish I could have been there for them more.”

“James and Nina Ross,” Mike breaks the following silence after a couple of moments, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “My parents. Oh god, I—Oh god, Harvey, I—”

“It was not your fault,” Harvey says, brushing his thumbs over Mike’s knuckles. “There is nothing you could have done.”

“I left them alone.” Mike’s voice breaks and the tears that have been pooling in his eyes start to roll down his cheeks. “I left them alone, dead and alone, and I didn’t even—“

“You had to run,” Harvey says. “You had to run and to save your own life. And there won’t be another day that goes by that I am not grateful for that. For that you did what you did.”

“I left them alone, Harvey,” Mike whispers and Harvey has to close his eyes against the sight in front of him. Mike is broken and he is pale and thin and his cheeks are wet with tears now but he is alive. He is so gloriously and beautifully alive and all Harvey can feel is a profound gratefulness. 

“I know, Mike,” he murmurs. “They loved you so much.”

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Harvey,” Mike says and he’s about to withdraw his hands from Harvey’s grip. “I don’t know if—“

“Little Tommy.” Harvey doesn’t let Mike let go. “Thomas Henry Specter. Marcus’s and Sunny’s little son. He died in my arms. We didn’t have any—There were no doctors around anymore and I—He just went to sleep one evening and he never woke up again. Gordon Specter. My father.” Harvey doesn’t even take a breath before he says that. He doesn’t even blink.

“Amber,” Mike says, watching how Harvey finally blinks and blinks again, fighting back the tears Mike knows he is desperate to keep from falling. “Little baby Amber.”

“Amber Ross,” Harvey says and this is when Mike has to let go of one of Harvey’s hands and cover his mouth with his palm. “And Michael James Ross.”

All blood drains from Mike’s face when Harvey says the last four words. “No,” he whispers and shakes his head. “No. Harvey, please. No.”

“Michael James Ross,” Harvey repeats and he clenches his jaws so tightly that Mike fears something will break. “You don’t have to—“

“I want to,” Mike mutters and wipes his eyes. “I want to. Just give me a minute. Okay? Just give me a minute…”

Harvey simply nods and Mike watches him tremble ever so slightly and shakes his head over and over again as he tries to compose himself.

“Mike,” Harvey mutters under his breath. “Please, don’t—“

“Harvey Reginald Specter,” Mike says and holds his breath. He holds it for such a long time after that that he doesn’t even remember when he started breathing again. Maybe after Harvey had risen from his chair and dropped to his knees in front of Mike. Maybe after he has fallen down as well, right into Harvey’s arms, maybe when Harvey has pulled him onto the mattress with him, that threadbare, god-awful mattress, or maybe when Mike’s shirt comes off or Harvey’s, maybe when they’re both finally naked and skin touches skin, maybe then. Maybe.

Maybe when Harvey starts whispering “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” into his mouth over and over again or maybe when he finally stops. Maybe when the words finally cease, maybe then.

Maybe when Harvey pushes into him, filling him to the brim. Maybe when Harvey holds him close and presses his lips to Mike, desperate with need, or maybe when Mike’s mouth finally opens and lets Harvey in. Maybe then.

Or maybe when Harvey’s hips flex just so, maybe when Mike loses all sense of time and space, maybe when his fingers dig into the muscles of Harvey’s back and bruise Harvey’s beautiful skin, maybe then.

Or maybe when Mike realizes that he is coming, and that’s only when he’s almost completely spent, maybe when he realizes that. Maybe. 

But maybe even just a little later, maybe when the waves of his own climax have ebbed a bit and when he can focus on Harvey again, on his hot breath against his throat, on his throbbing dick inside of him, on Harvey’s heartbeat so close against his chest that it feels almost as if it is pulsing inside of Mike, maybe when Harvey releases a short, throaty moan and empties himself into Mike, maybe then. Maybe then.

Maybe when he finally falls asleep in Harvey’s arms or maybe just shortly after that.

Mike doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know when he wakes up in Harvey’s arms hours later. The only thing he knows is that he isn’t ready to let go.

*****

They must have gotten dressed again at some point of time but Mike doesn’t remember. It’s a quarter past seven in the evening and for all his genius memory, Mike doesn’t remember where those last hours went. 

Amber is there, smelling freshly bathed, and she is dressed up in her finest clothes, the finest that Harvey and Mike could find in her bag. She is munching on a small piece of bread, Harvey always hovering around her, making sure that she doesn’t choke on that tiny piece of solid food. 

Mike is standing a little apart, watching the two of them, watching Harvey sing soft songs to that tiny little girl. Balling his hands into tight firsts, so restless like he’s never been before.

“I want to go for a run,” he hears himself say and he watches Harvey turn his head towards him as if in slow motion.

“Mike.”

“I won’t,” he hurries to say, biting his lips so hard he tastes blood. “I won’t. But I want to.”

There are just a little less than one and a half hours left and Mike doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

Suddenly, there is a glass of whiskey in front of him and the taste of the liquor burns in his throat and he doesn’t even remember taking a sip.

The clock on the wall tells him that another hour must have passed and he doesn’t remember what happened in the meantime. He vaguely recounts Harvey’s fingers roaming through his hair and Amber drooling against his cheek. He vaguely remembers telling Harvey how much he loves the baby and how he wishes he could see her grow up. He’s sitting on his chair again, so he must have done that at some point of time, he must have sat down again. He doesn’t remember, but the table’s surface is rough beneath his fingertips and he catches a splinter. He pries at it, trying to get it out and he feels a reminiscence of pain.

But then, there is nothing. There are only those thirty minutes they have left and the world narrows down to them and Mike doesn’t know what to do.

Harvey looks worried, Mike thinks, and he wishes he had the strength to get up and say something, to make that worried look go away. 

“Harvey,” he whispers and the other man looks up.

_Twenty minutes left,_ Mike thinks. _Twenty minutes. Nothing more._ He watches the clock, the fingers moving over the small round face.

“We should have tried to find her family.”

“There’s nothing we could have done,” Harvey says and Mike hates how broken the other man sounds. “Not with so little time left.”

“You always say that,” he murmurs and pries at his finger, never looking up. “But you don’t know that. You just say that. We could have—“

Fifteen minutes. Nothing more.

“Mike,” Harvey sounds exasperated and Mike hates that even more. “There was no way. No telephones, no internet, no radio, we—“

“Fuck,” Mike hisses and bites down around the spot where the tiny piece of wood sits under his skin at his fingertip. “You _always_ take the easy way out, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Harvey presses through his teeth and takes his hands off of Amber immediately. “What _the fuck_ to you mean by that.”

Fourteen minutes. Nothing more.

“I mean,” Mike says and inhales sharply around his fingertip. “Hiding in that fucking bar for all those years. Drinking all that fucking booze. That gun. Picking up a random stranger for one last good fuck.”

“Mike.” Harvey sounds so very tense and Mike hates it so much but he doesn’t know what to do so he just carries on.

Thirteen minutes left. Nothing more.

“Don’t,” Harvey says but Mike’s words overlap with that and he somehow doesn’t seem to be able to stop himself.

“I mean that saxophone and the lasagna and that candle and everything.” Mike takes a deep breath and lets the words stream from his mouth. “I mean sticking your dick in me every chance you get and I mean _this_.” He gestures around vaguely, holding Harvey’s gaze. “I mean all of this. It’s a charade, Harvey, and you know it.”

Twelve minutes left and another one goes by while neither one of them says anything. Eleven minutes left. Ten.

“Yeah,” Harvey whispers and Mike’s heart feels as if it might burst in his chest any second now. “I guess I know.”

“Christ.” Mike sighs and wipes his palms against his thighs.

Nine minutes left.

“I just wish you _had_ had that fucking courage and that you _had_ stuck that fucking gun into your mouth. I wish you would—”

_Mike._

Harvey doesn’t say it but Mike can hear it everywhere, inside and out. 

_Don’t do this._

“I wish I had never met you.”

_Please._

Eight.

“I’m sorry,” Harvey whispers and turns towards the stairs. “I think I better go now.”

Seven. Time is frozen and nothing registers. Just the sight of Harvey’s back and of his slumped shoulders.

The thought of Harvey dying alone in the woods. 

The thought of dying alone in here and Amber crying by his side.

The thought of Harvey dying alone.

Six.

“Harvey,” Mike gasps and rises from his chair so quickly that he knocks the chair over. It’s like a kink in the matrix, he thinks. _Déjà vu._

“Please, don’t go, _please_ ,” he sputters, reaching out for the other man behind his back. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it, please. I _swear_ I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it—”

Five. Four.

Harvey finally turns around and Mike doesn’t understand why he looks so calm, so open. “I know,” Harvey says and Mike is in his arms before he even realizes it. 

“Come,” Harvey says and leads Mike to the mattress.

Mike sinks down and watches Harvey pick up Amber and carry her over to where he’s lying. He watches Harvey stroking the baby so very gently and his eyes tear up when Harvey places a little kiss on Amber’s forehead. “It’s not her fault,” Harvey mumbles and lies down next to Mike, laying Amber down between them. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

Harvey takes Mike into his arms and the baby moves between them, struggling against the two bodies closing in on her.

“Ssssshhh,” Harvey soothes and Mike isn’t sure whom he means. All he can do is cling to Harvey and to wonder how Harvey has that much strength and courage left.

Two.

“I’m so scared,” Mike whispers and buries his head against Harvey’s shoulder. “I’m—“

“Don’t be,” Harvey says and tightens his hold around Mike, kissing his hair ever so softly. “Don’t be scared. It’s going to be alright. Mike. I promise. Mike, baby—“

“I love you.” Mike doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t think it’s fair to say it now when everything is over, when it’s too late, and he tries to keep the words inside with every bit of strength and courage he has left, but there is no other way. “I love you so much.”

One.

“I love you,” Harvey kisses against Mike’s lips and holds him tight. “Don’t worry—Mike, don’t—“

At 8:43pm a rumble shakes the hide-out, shakes Mike to the core and his eyes just won’t focus when they lock with Harvey’s and everything shifts and Mike can hear hoarse voices over the noise and he doesn’t know anymore whose voices they are.

_Oh god, oh please, hold me, please, love you, so much, so very, very much, oh god, oh please…_

 

~End of—~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on the other side.


	9. Day One (And Epilogue(s))

8:44pm.

The earth is still shaking when Mike opens his eyes again and blinks. He can’t see anything, not really. For a moment he thinks he sees broken glass and a chair lying on its side but he isn’t sure if those things are real or just figments of his imagination. The quakes are only just slowly subsiding and Amber is still crying between them.

“Mike,” he hears and he thinks that it must be Harvey who is speaking but he can’t be sure.

“Mike.” 

Harvey’s voice, touching him through Amber’s wailing, through the shaking of the floor and through the sand that drizzles through the cracks in the walls and in the ceiling.

“Are you alright?”

He doesn’t know how to speak so he just clings to the body next to him, holding on to it as fast as he can.

“Mike,” he hears again and he tries his eyes to get to focus on something, on anything, while the earth slowly stops moving underneath and around them.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, blinking. “I think so.” There is broken glass, even though Mike doesn’t know where it comes from, and the chairs are lying on their sides, all of them. They must have toppled over during the earthquake. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he hears Harvey say with a hoarse, croaky voice. “But I think it has stopped.” Mike can feel how Harvey raises his head and how his embrace around Mike loosens. A pained sob escapes Mike’s lips and he frantically shakes his head and pulls Harvey close again, clinging to him with every bit of strength that’s left in his body. “Don’t let go,” he whispers. “Don’t let go.”

Neither of them moves and even Amber is still and silent between them, just her breathing sounds a little rattled and stuffy. _She is so warm,_ Mike thinks and inhales deeply. 

“What time is it?” Mike hears himself ask a couple of moments later and when Harvey says “eight forty five” he feels those words more than he hears them because Harvey says them to his lips and his lips drink in every syllable they feel. 

“Eight forty five,” Mike echoes and holds on to Harvey through another residual shatter of the ground around them, his whole body shaking while it lasts. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know,” Harvey whispers and Mike can feel Harvey’s arms tighten around him and Amber once more. “But—I think it has stopped.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind Mike registers that tears are streaming down his cheeks and that the kiss he and Harvey share tastes of blood and when he buries his face against Harvey’s, when he kisses his eyes and his cheeks again and again, he tastes salt. 

Almost reluctantly Mike pulls away a little bit, taking in the sight of Harvey’s tear-stained features, and watches how Harvey bites his lips again and again. It seems as if he can’t keep them from trembling despite his best efforts nor can he keep his breathing from hitching that way. And no matter how tightly he squeezes his eyes shut, the tears break their way through his eye lids. 

“Oh god,” Harvey whispers, his words thick and heavy with tears. “You’re alive. You’re alive…” When he opens his eyes, glittery moisture pools in them and gathers on his lashes like a new morning’s dew on fresh green grass. “You’re alive…”

It’s the only time Mike will ever see Harvey cry.

 

** Epilogue **

“Do you think we’re the only ones left?” Mike asks Harvey a couple of days later on one of their tentative strolls through the woods. “Do you think we’re the only ones who’ve made it?”

“I don’t know,” Harvey answers, tightening his hold of his arm around Mike’s waist. “But I don’t believe we are. Let’s move the car tomorrow and find out, okay?”

Amber is happily munching away at the corner of Harvey’s collar, tied to his chest once more in her scarf. 

“We can’t be,” Mike says, stopping in his steps and positioning himself face to face with Harvey. He runs his palm over Ambers head and frowns. “We mustn’t be. ‘Cause—If we were, she would be totally alone one day when you and I—“

“We’ll figure something out,” Harvey smiles and Mike pulls him into as tight a hug as the baby between them allows. “I’m sure we’re not the only ones. We can’t be.”

“What do we do now?” Mike asks, kissing Amber’s head. 

“We’ll figure something out, Mike.” Harvey’s smile broadens and he tilts Mike’s face up, locking eyes with him. “It’s going to be alright. I promise.”

“Okay,” Mike smiles back tentatively. “I trust you.”

Harvey just nods and places a gentle, smiling kiss on Mike’s lips.

 

** Epilogue II **

The scientists call it the “Holding of the Breath”. Their announcements that leak through and make their rounds during the first chaotic, insecure months after Day Zero make it sound as if the universe is holding its breath before it finally folds in on itself. They don’t know how long it will last before everything disappears for good or why this is happening in the first place but they give it a couple of billion years to start with, give or take.

 

** Epilogue III **

“Ma’am”, Mike greets politely when the grey-haired woman enters the bar and walks towards the counter and while she approaches he tosses the cleaning cloth aside and wipes his hands dry against the front of his apron, a welcoming smile on his lips. 

“Are you Mike Specter?” The woman asks, her voice just wavering the slightest bit. 

“I most certainly am,” Mike answers and his smile broadens as he mimics a little bow. “What can I do for you, Ma’am?”

“My name is Louise Wilson,” the woman says. “I believe you might have taken in a little girl about seven years ago, just a couple of days be—“

“Daddy! Daddy!” Amber comes running through the back door and Mike grins.

“Right on time, Princess, as usual.”

“Daddy, do you know what Father just did?”

“No, sweetheart, I have no idea! What did he do?” Mike lifts the little girl up and sits her on the counter right next to the sinks. 

“He made a card disappear, a _real_ playing card,” Amber gushes and gestures wildly with her hands. “Just like that! And I _think_ I know how he did it but he won’t tell me if I got it right so I just have to—Who is _that_ ,” she asks and raises her eyebrows in the most endearing way.

“I _think_ ,” Mike replies slowly and the elderly woman nods at him, “that this is your grandmother.”

“I have a _grandmother_?” Amber asks, her eyes wide with surprise, and just a moment after that the back door opens again and Harvey steps out, carrying a crate of bottles which he sets down as soon as the door has fallen shut behind him. 

“Dad,” Amber hops down from the counter and runs towards Harvey. “Daddy said that that woman is my _grandmother_!!”

“Did he now?” Harvey picks Amber up and looks at Louise over the counter. 

“Yes,” Louise says and extends her hand, first to Mike, then to Harvey. “I’m Louise Wilson. And,” she continues once she has shaken both their hands, “I’ve been looking for J—“ She pauses and looks at Amber, who is snuggling up against Harvey in his arm.

“Amber,” Amber says when she registers Louise’s insecure look. “Amber Jenny Specter. Why don’t you know that when you’re my grandmother?”

“Amber,” Louise repeats and ruffles the little girl’s hair. “I’ve never met you before, you know – so I wasn’t sure.” 

Amber nods and seems to be content with that, rubbing her nose against Harvey’s shoulder and sniffling a little. The cold she’s been miserably suffering through has only just subsided and she’s still very cuddly and her nose still itches from time to time.

“I’ve been looking for her ever since—“ Louise pauses and swallows. “But I found out that I’ve been looking in the wrong place. I’ve been looking up North all those years. I didn’t know that Anne had travelled before—“ She looks at Mike and tilts her head. “That you got her out of there, Mr. Specter. Mike.”

“I am so sorry,” Mike says. “I couldn’t—I wish I could have saved her. I wish—“

“It’s not your fault, Mike,” Louise interrupts and reaches for his hand. “I know it isn’t. Nobody could—I know that back then everything was—I am just grateful that you saved Amber. She’s—She looks a lot like my son.”

“How did you find us, then?” Harvey asks, resting his hand on Mike’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’ve been trying to find you for years, ever since the beginning. But—“

“They opened the Registry in the Northern District about half a year ago. I immediately started searching and I found you only last week and I immediately—I wanted to see her. I really wanted to see you, Amber. I missed you _so_ much,” Louise addresses the kid again. “And you are so beautiful. Very, very beautiful.”

“You—“ Mike swallows and reaches for Harvey’s hand. “You want her back then? I mean, we tried to find you all the time, her family, and now—“

“I _have_ her back already,” Louise interrupts and reaches out to take Amber’s little hand in hers. “And I am very, very glad she has you guys, _you_ are her family and I can’t thank you enough for taking care of her so well. I just would like to see you once in a while, little lady,” she says to Amber and smiles when Harvey and Mike relax at her words. “Be part of your life now that I have found you again.”

“You know what?” Amber says and ruffles Louise’s hair, just like Louise has done with hers before. “I have a new little brother now. Tommy. Well, his real name is Thomas Cole James, but we just call him Tommy for short.” Her breathing hitches a little and both Harvey and Mike smile when her cheeks blush. “You can be part of his life, too, if you want to. He’s a _real_ bother,” Amber says and nods seriously. “But he is kinda cute, too. Well, _sometimes_. Poops a lot, but it’s not his fault, he’s just a little baby, after all. Anyway,” she continues after a short contemplative pause, “he doesn’t have a grandmother either and I bet he’d love one, too. And I wouldn’t mind sharing. If that’s okay with you, I mean?”

“That is _very_ okay with me,” Louise smiles and blinks quickly a couple of times.

Mike swallows and briefly locks eyes with Harvey when she surreptitiously touches the corner of her eye, wiping away an unshed tear.

“Hey, do you want to see him?” Amber wriggles in Harvey’s arm and he sets her down almost immediately. “I can show him to you.”

“I’d love that,” Louise searches for Harvey’s and Mike’s eyes. “If that’s okay with your dads.”

“ _Of course_ it is,” Amber rolls her eyes. “They’re so proud of him it’s not even _funny_. They _love_ to show him around. Come!” She walks around the counter and grabs hold of Louise’s hand. “Come.”

When both Harvey and Mike nod, Louise lets herself be dragged behind the counter and through the door to the living space, smiling as Amber babbles along.

“I think I’ll take a glass of scotch when we come back,” Louise says and places her handbag on the counter top. “And I think that some kind of toast might be in order. Right?”

“Right,” Mike confirms, smiling, and reaches for one of the bottles under the counter. “’t will be ready for you when you’re back.”

“Dou you know any stories about my mum and dad, then?” Harvey and Mike can hear Amber ask as she drags Louise along the corridor. “My dads don’t know very many and I think they’ve made _those_ ones up as well, so if you…”

While Amber’s excited little voice fades behind them, Harvey gathers Mike into his arms. “Come here,” he murmurs into Mike’s hair and smiles when Mike releases a long, shaky breath.

“We get to keep her,” Mike whispers against Harvey’s throat and Harvey nods. 

“We do.”

“Today is the happiest day of my life,” Mike says and Harvey can feel his smile against his skin.

“You say that every day,” he teases and tightens his hold around Mike.

“That’s because it’s true every day,” Mike smiles into Harvey’s skin and Harvey closes his eyes.

 _Me too,_ he thinks and smiles when Mike’s lips ghost over his pulse point. _Me too._

 

~fin~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone of you who has read this, left kudos and left comments from the bottom of my heart. Your support has been amazing and I value it more than I could ever say. Thank you ever so much!
> 
> And I want to thank you, dearest naias, for everything. I know you don't like me saying this but I owe this to you. Without you this wouldn't be here. I mean that. I don't have the words to express how much you've done for me and for this story. You are simply the best!!!


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